Thursday, August 16, 2007

you'd think it wouldn't be this hard

i tried to not think about it for the past couple of weeks. i knew the day was coming, but if i didn't think about it maybe it wouldn't happen. i think that's called wishful thinking denial. and you guessed it, the day did come. that day was yesterday.

yesterday was when danielle officially moved into her new home, ready to start her sophomore year in college. she has her own room in a house with four other girls attending the same college. all five of them are involved with the navigators organization, which is a comfort to know that they are all christian girls.

she, her dad and i took down a load of her stuff last sunday. it was pretty comical. we had to strap her mattresses on the top of the car. we took the back road down to the house so the mattresses wouldn't fly off as we sped down the highway - or was it so we wouldn't be embarrassed to be looking like the beverly hillbillies.

but sunday was just a quick trip down and i didn't have to deal with my feelings surrounding the event. it was yesterday that she and i took the last of her stuff down and spent time unpacking and fixing her room the way she wanted it.

and it was last night into today that i'm having to deal with my feelings. it should be easier than last year, right? i've already gone through this. but, in some ways, it's harder because i know this is a step that takes her further away from being my little girl who lives with me and plays with me and calls me mommy (okay, she calls me mom). reading blogs today about moms and their young kids just about did me in. i just wanted to turn back the hands of time and spend the day playing dolls with my little girl.

what has also made it hard is the fact that i got used to her being around this summer. i've enjoyed spending time with her as a young adult. we've enjoyed going to movies, out to eat, pedicures, or just hanging around the house.

we're not going to see her as often this year. she's not planning on coming home as much. she has started the process of establishing her life in a new place and with a new church, new friends, and new job. she may even stay down there next summer. she's planning on living in this house until she graduates.

today, the house seemed too quiet... and empty. i kept wondering how she was doing and what her day was looking like. i'm sure i'll get used to her not being here. it will just take some time. i'm very happy that she's someplace she likes, someplace she wants to be. i just have to remind myself that this is part of the process of growing up. and that God will be watching over her.

danielle, i love you and am very proud of you.
woof woof

link of the day:


Anonymous said...

How far away is she? Trust me, from a mommy who has been down this road three times now, you can own your feelings all you want to. I've had two in Texas and one in the next city and it still stings. Next year I'll have one moving to Chicago which is a couple hours away again. It's just hard no matter how you look at it. They grow up and have their own lives which is just what we raised them to do.
I'm saying a prayer for you my friend. I'm right there along side of you. I get it....I get it!

Short Stop said...

Oh, Diana. This made me teary eyed. I remember leaving for college, and my mom closing the door behind her to go back home and I cried. She was only 1 hour away, but I missed her. It's fun to go away and be independent, but there's no one in the world like your mom and no place like home! I'm praying for you! Sarah

diana said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lori said...

Oh I'm sorry. That is sad.
I will remember you in my thoughts and prayers.

Momma Roar said...

Oh Diana - I'm saying a prayer for you! I'm glad I was able to make you smile this morning with my silliness!
I agree with Ginger (except I'm not close to dealing with it or completely understanding) but this is what we raise our children to do. God's peace to you my friend!

Karen said...

My oldest just started high school and I feel the years going by way too fast. I dread the day I start the "sending them off to college" life!

Penless Thoughts said...

The navigators is a wonderful organization. Praise God she is on the narrow path and walking the right way. So many aren't. That still doesn't ease the emptiness I know.

Anonymous said...

I wonder how it will feel when my two youngest are on their own like that. My oldest married in June, but she only lives a few blocks away. By the time my two youngest are old enough, I will probably have grandchildren at least as old as they are now. Perhaps my grandchildren will only live a few blocks away as well. Then I can have quiet time and children time as well.

barb said...

i've thinking about you all week, knowing that this was the week! my heart goes out to you and dani. you're a great mom and i'm so proud of you both.

Dana a/k/a Sunshine said...

I have a few tears right now...even though its not time for ME yet to let go of my son (he is 12), I know that day is coming and I don't want those days to be here. I want to hold him close and never let him leave. He is my everything....and the fact that I'm divorced and it is just Brandon and I...that makes it all the harder to think of...

It'll be OK, I know it will, but it scares me to think of it.

Diane @ A Watered Garden said...

Diana, I know you posted this last week, but I haven't been visiting blogville much this past month and came by tonight for a visit. Please accept my "cyber hug" and know that I am right there with you girl! It's been 3 months now since my DH and I became "official" empty nesters and I still have alot of mixed emotions! Some days I totally enjoy the freedom and then somedays I really miss the girls and lament that they are off living their own lives apart from us. Yep, it's hard...hang in there and give yourself some time and space. I pray God helps you through this transition. Blessings, Diane