we all need encouragement

Does anyone watch The Amazing Race? Did you catch it this past Sunday night? I'm specifically thinking about the challenge of finding the flags in the field of hay bales. If you didn't see it, it went down this way; one of the two members of each team had to unroll giant rolls of hay one at a time in hopes of finding a flag hidden deep within. Some of these players spent hours unrolling hay for hours before finding a flag.

It was interesting to watch the dynamics of the different teams, specifically one. Where most of the team members that sat on the sidelines gave encouragement to their partners, that wasn't the case for the team of two brothers. The brother that sat on the sideline chose to yell at his brother for a good part of the time telling him to "hurry," "go faster," "don't do it that way!," "do it this, or that, way."

As you might expect, this did not sit well with the other brother. You could see, and hear as he would just yell back, the frustration that this brother was dealing with. Not only did it waste valuable time, but it just added to the despair that this brother obviously felt.

At some point, the sidelined brother figures out that his yelling and lack of encouragement is not helping. In fact, it's hurting. He admits all of this on camera and adds that he doesn't know why he took this particular tact, not truly realizing how it impacted his brother.

I think there's a lesson there (thus, why I'm writing about it). Some times we handle a situation in a way that comes naturally to us not really thinking about how it might impact others or knowing that there may be a better way of approaching it.

Watching it all play out on The Amazing Race and seeing both sides of the relationship made me realize how important this principle is. It also confirmed my opinion that encouragement goes a lot further than nagging and pestering.

30 days of WORDS TO LIVE BY

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Philippians 2:1-4 NIV

school dance

If I Could Blog Back Time
is hosted each Thursday by Lola of Lola's Diner.

Today's topic: School Dance
What was your first school dance? Or memorable Homecoming Dance or Prom? Tell us about it. And if you've got photos of the event, post them.

In thinking on this subject, I realized that I have several occasions I could write about. I also have pictures from the last two year's worth of high school dances, but I think I'll save those for another time.

There was one dance that will forever be etched in my memory. It was my sophomore year and it was a Sadie Hawkins dance. [For those who might not know what that is, it is where the girls ask the guys to go to the dance with them.] The theme at my high school for Sadie Hawkins was country or cow boy/girl, which made this situation a little better since I didn't put a lot of money into a dress and all that goes along with that.

There were a couple of guys that I had my eyes on to invite to the dance. I was excited (and nervous) to ask one of them but really looking forward to the dance. I remember sitting around with a group of my friends in youth group discussing the upcoming dance and who was going with who. As the group thinned out, an old boyfriend came up to me and convinced me that I should ask him to the dance - as friends.

I was a little surprised. We had our time together but it had passed. We had remained friends and he was one of the cutest boys at church and in school. There was a little part of me that was flattered that he wanted to go with me. I even entertained thoughts that he had deeper feelings for me than I thought. But there was a bigger part of me that didn't want to ask him because there was another boy I really wanted to ask. This was my chance to act on my feelings without it becoming "weird" to let him know that I liked him.

To make a long story short, I agreed to inviting this boy. my old boyfriend. We met at the dance and went in together. I think we even danced a dance or two. I don't remember all the details because what I do remember is that he ended up ditching me for another girl. He deserted me and when I finally found him, he was having his picture taken with this other girl. I then watched him dance with her and sip punch together before I called my mom to come pick me up.

What I didn't know at the time was that this boy and girl had liked each other for some time but had only shared their affection for each other after the girl had already asked another boy to the dance. My date needed a way to get into the dance so he could spend some time with her. I was his way in. It didn't really help my hurt feelings to find out that the guy she took to the dance was dumped in much the same way as I was. Nope, my feelings were pretty well stomped on.

The boy and I didn't talk much after that. He knew he had been a jerk and even though I didn't hold a grudge, I had no need for someone like that in my life. Some lessons are harder on us than others.

Okay, to end this post on a positive note, I'm including pictures, even though I cringe at them, from the next two Sadie Hawkins dances (1976 and 1977). By my Junior year, Don and I were seriously dating and I attended all the dances with him. They were all happy occasions.

old pictures - none

I just got done scanning pictures from my homecomings and proms with hopes of posting them here today, but I'm noticing these white lines coming through on the scanned photos. I rescan them, but the lines are still there. My conclusion.... I bought a cheap, crappy scanner.

So I'm bummed. I was enjoying going through my photos and deciding which ones I would post. Although, the ones from the dances during my high school years are quite hideous and I don't know why I would want to put them out here in bloggyland for public scrutiny. Hideous, I tell you.

But maybe you'll still get a chance to see them. I'm thinking of going out in the next couple of days and buying a good, flatbed scanner. Does anyone know a good one? And while I'm asking questions, can I ask if anyone does digital scrapbooking? If you do, please let me know. I'd like to ask you a couple of questions.

Hopefully, more pictures to come.

i enjoy learning

Some have asked how my job's been going (thanks to those of you who have asked). I realized I haven't written about my job since those first couple of weeks where I wasn't sure if the schedule was going to work or if I was going to enjoy the job.

Quick recap: I took a job in October working for the school district as a tutor/mentor for a program called AVID. I only work two days a week which is perfect for me and my desire to have time to pursue other interests. I've now been doing this job for four months and have really come to enjoy the job and love the kids.

I'm also learning a lot about myself.

I was always a good student in school. Academics came easy for me and I really didn't have to work hard to get good grades - and I didn't. Therefore, I only did what I needed to to get by. Now I sit in these tutorial groups and listen to the students question what they're learning in their core subjects and find myself fascinated with what's being taught. Some of it I remember, other stuff is totally new to me.

What I'm enjoying is the process of learning. I enjoy learning!

Whether I know it or not, I tell the kids I don't remember "whatever" and to teach it to me. And they do (or at least try very hard to do so). There's been times when I actually wanted to ask them to ask me to work through a complex math problem - just because I love math. This makes me wonder how much smarter I could have been or where life would have taken me if I had been a more serious student .

Or I'm on the other end where I really enjoy working through a question or problem as a teacher, explaining it or getting the students to think it through so they can come to their own conclusions. I love it when you can practically see the light bulb going on as the kid "gets" it. It makes me wonder if I would have made a good teacher as I had once wanted to be.

I also have learned a lot more about middle school students than I had previously known from being a youth worker, but I'll save that for another post. I'm glad my time in a classroom isn't just about the students. I'm glad to know that I'm still teachable and I like learning new things about myself and the world around me.

oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree...

I remember my first Christmas tree. The year was a few years after I moved out on my own. Don and I were dating and I had my own apartment. We picked out the tree from a local lot and brought it home. It was a perfectly shaped Noble Fir. Even though I had the perfect tree, I had no ornaments for it.

Except one. My boss had given me an ornament along with his wishes for a Merry Christmas. It was a cheap looking plastic globe type with a little ice rink scene within the ball. I'm sure it was inexpensive and not much thought went into it's purchase, but I loved it. Ever since that first year, it has been one of my most prized and loved ornaments and it holds a prominent place on my tree each year.

But my beautifully shaped tree didn't go unadorned that year. Don asked his mom if she had any extra ornaments that she would be willing to give me for my tree. I don't know if they were "extra" or not, but she gave me a small collection of ornaments that instantly became very special to me. She never asked for them back and I still hang many of them on my tree every year.

My first Christmas tree will forever hold a special place in my heart. I can close my eyes and still see it, remembering exactly how it looked with it's twinkling lights and the few ornaments hanging from it's perfect limbs. That first tree started my love for the Christmas tree and ornaments.

Not having a tree up this year has left me with an empty feeling where there normally would be an awe and love for the many ornaments displayed. I didn't realize how big of a part my tree would play in connecting me to the Christmas spirit that seems to elude me this year. I will take this as a lesson learned and plan to always put up a tree each Christmas. I'm already looking forward to next year.

listening with your heart [part two]

Tuesday I wrote about listening to our children with our hearts (read here). Here is the continuation of my thoughts.

Working with two different youth groups over the last eight years, I probably heard this phrase more than any other; "My parents just don't understand." Heck, I'd hear it from my own kids. And I remember thinking it when I was a teenager. Part of it is normal for teenagers. But I think we, as parents, can work harder at trying to understand.

When my kids would say this to me, my answer most of the time was, "You're right. I probably don't. Please help me to understand." And most of the time, they would try.

I see communication as the answer to helping us parents understand our children and I don't think you can have too much of it. It needs to be a constant in the life of a family. It needs to be something that is practiced all the time. It needs to work both ways. Each party (parent and child) needs to both listen and be given the opportunity to speak, knowing they are being listened to and treated with respect.

It needs to be used in the everyday so when something more critical comes along, there will already be a precedent. You can't expect to be able to discuss subject "A" if you have no history of talking things out. The more a family communicates, the more each person knows about the others and how they feel about certain subjects. And when something totally out of the blue is dropped in your lap, it can be discussed openly and freely because this format has already been established.

You may be thinking, "Well of course I'm planning to communicate with my teenager." I don't doubt that is the plan for most parents. But something happens when a kids starts to feel their way into [pre]adolescence. They're trying to figure out who they are and their "voice" becomes scary to parents and adults. Parents aren't sure what's going on. They feel like they're losing control. They don't like what they hear and see. Many will try to make sure their child acts "appropriately," according to their own views and agenda. Some will simply find it easier to just tell the child, "Do this" and "Don't do that," without giving the child a voice in the matter. And others will simply withdraw completely as the task is too difficult. They simply give up.

Here's where it gets tricky. I whole-heartily believe that parents should be parents and impart values and discipline. Kids actually want this. But I think parents also need to loosen the reigns enough for the child to grow and learn for themselves who they are and how to make it in this world. And this is where communication makes it all work.

The child learns from his/her parents because the parents are constantly communicating their values, respect, love, and support. When the child sees this and hears this on a regular basis, they will know it in their heart that their parents care about them and wants what is best for them. They then will feel safe to communicate their fears, needs, and desires and will actually appreciate their parent's input and guidance.

This doesn't work perfectly all the time. I am not a perfect parent. You can ask my children - they didn't always feel safe to express their feelings and and often times, didn't. That's part of being a teenager; keeping things to themselves and sharing only with their peers. But if a parent sets out to understand their teenager, it can only help that relationship and ultimately, the transformation of the teenager as they emerge as the person they were meant to be.

listening with your heart [part one]

I was thinking the other day about how much I dislike confrontation and why. I'm still trying to figure this out but I know that a lot of it is that my nature is one of being a peace-maker. I don't like the feeling of discord when two or more people don't get along.

As I was reflecting on this subject, I remembered that I did like confrontation when I was younger. I remember my turbulent teenage years and my relationship with my parents. I remember, at times, purposely pushing for that confrontation. I remember being conscious about that fact as I pushed certain buttons or wouldn't let a certain subject drop. Seems childish now, but I remember the feelings that were involved at the time and it felt like it was something I just had to do.

Having my own children travel through their own teenage years and working with teenagers, I now understand better what my internal angst was about and why I felt a need to act out.

I think it boils down to the teenager feeling like they don't have a voice in what happens to them or their life. This can be just perceived or factual. Either way, the feeling is very real. There's a saying that applies very much to a teenager's life; their perception is their reality.

Anything I write from here on will sound very simplistic and it really isn't. Every child is different. Parenting styles are different. But I think it's safe to say that pre-adolescent and adolescent children are feeling their way through very rocky years and need to be encouraged, supported, and unconditionally loved.

I think this means that parents need to help them through this time by allowing them to use their voice and listening to them with a heart wanting to understand what their struggles really are and coming along side them as they work through the ups and downs that come their way.

For me as a teenger, I know I felt like my voice wasn't being heard. That my parents didn't care about my feelings, my desires, my needs. As a parent, I can look back and know that my parents did care, but I don't think they really knew what my true desires and needs were. They were so wrapped up in doing what they felt was necessary as a parent (and I'm not saying that this is wrong), that it didn't matter what I wanted or needed.

I think there are ways that parents can be parents but still give their children their voice, which helps them figure out who they are and how to handle the obstacles that come their way.

To prevent this post from becoming too long, I will continue it Thursday. If you have any thoughts on this subject, please leave them in a comment and we'll continue the discussion on Thursday.

forgiveness and hope

Today I had lunch with an old friend. We had been very close for more than five years before she moved away. I looked to her not only as a friend, but a mentor and counselor. She taught me so much about God, ministry, and myself. I cried the day she left.

She told me when she moved away that she wasn't the type to keep in touch. She didn't do email and she definitely didn't do snail mail. It was pretty much the end of our friendship. I had to accept that and be content with having her friendship for that phase of my life.

She would come back to visit occasionally and it was always good to see her but it was a hug and no more than a few minutes of conversation. The last time she was in town was during a time when I wasn't in a good place. It was when we were making the decision to leave our church. She was going to be in town for a couple of weeks and I told her I would really like to get together with her. I needed my wise friend and counselor. I told her my time was flexible and she said she would be in touch so we could grab at least a coffee.

For the next two weeks I waited for her call.... and waited... and waited. She never called. I was so hurt. My mind went wild with reasons why she didn't call - why she wouldn't want to meet with me. I was sure it had something to do with why we were leaving the church, but the truth is, I really don't know why.

That was two years ago. I hadn't heard a word from her since that time. It was very easy for me to stay hurt and mad. Satan not only uses our weaknesses against us, but our pain. It would have been very easy for me to stay mad and nurse that wound so that it would never heal. I felt justified in that thinking.

But somewhere along the way, I realized that that kind of thinking and wound nursing was not helping me - in fact, it was hurting me. I knew I needed to forgive this friend, even though she had no idea that she had hurt me. I needed to do this for me, not her. So, this was indeed what I did, with God's help.

About three months ago I heard some news that both excited and scared me. My friend was moving back, taking a job with our old church. I realized I was most likely going to come face to face with her at some point. I also realized that forgiveness was so much easier when I didn't have to face the one that hurt me. I didn't know what I was going to do. I did the only thing I knew to do; pray and put it all in God's hands.

And God is faithful. My friend and I ran into each other in the most unexpected place a couple of weeks ago. Thankfully, the place didn't afford us the opportunity to really talk. My friend said she wanted to meet for lunch so we set up a time and place. This gave me the time I needed to pray and prepare myself for this meeting. I wasn't sure what to expect. Even though I had forgiven her, I wasn't sure how I would respond to being with her. I wasn't sure how she was going to respond to me. I'll be honest - I was scared.

Today was the day. We met for lunch. And it went well, very well. It was almost like no time had passed from the old times. There was no hurt on my side or uncertainty on her's. I thank God for that and the opportunity to renew our friendship. There might be some future unease since she's working for the church that we loved and left, but thankfully, God can work that out. With God, anything is possible. He's made that clear to me through this situation.

how to...

Kailani over at An Island Life has a group writing project going with the prompt of "how to." I've been thinking about what I know enough about to write a "how to" post on. I thought of such subjects as, "how to put off doing the laundry for a whole week" or "how to spend the day blogging"... oh wait... those would be the same subject. Instead, I decided to write on something everyone should know about and consider how it might personally affect them.

How To Contract Diabetes

I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes last November. Now that I know a lot about this disease, I know exactly how I got it. Here's how you, too, can get Diabetes in 3 easy steps.

1. Ignore your family's history when it comes to Diabetes. I had relatives on both my mom's and dad's side of the family that had and even died from Diabetes.

2. Have an unhealthy diet. Yep, that was me. More carbs than protein. Too many sweets. And yes, I even dabbled in fried foods.

3. Don't exercise. I've had my moments, but making exercise a regular part of my life... HA!

There you go. Pretty easy, huh? You would think it would be more complicated, but it really isn't. That may be why Diabetes diagnoses continue to rise. More than six percent of the population has either Type 1 or Type 2 Diabetes and each year 1.3 million people over the age of 20 are diagnosed with the condition. One of the fastest growing age groups is children as it's obvious that too many children in our society do not eat well and do not exercise regularly, and therefore they are over weight.

Of course, you don't want to contract Diabetes. The solution is almost as simple. Take the three easy steps listed above and do the opposite.

1. Find out your family history. If there is diabetes in your family, then you are at greater risk. If you had pregnancy gestation diabetes, you are at risk. If you are African-American or Hispanic, you are at greater risk.

2. Make a healthy diet a lifestyle. Eat high fiber foods and healthy fats. Avoid artificial sweeteners. A good, in-depth study has found that just one can of diet soda a day can increase your risk of becoming prediabetic. The study suggested that the sweet taste of the artificial sweeteners may actually confuse the brain and cause us to gain weight.

3. Exercise! Studies say that regular exercise can decrease the risk of Diabetes by 60%. Losing weight in your waist is also key. Simply walking 30 minutes a day is considered exercise and helps you lose that waist weight.

Diabetes is a serious condition and recognized as one of the leading causes of death and disability in the United States. If you think you may have Diabetes or pre-Diabetes (elevated blood sugars as an indicator that if lifestyle changes aren't made, Diabetes is imminent), I highly recommend you make an appointment with your doctor. Waiting can be very detrimental to treatment and management. Find out now!

There are many different symptoms to having this condition and you can find out what they are and/or read more about Diabetes at a number of excellent web sites on the subject. I suggest that you google the word Diabetes and pick any of the top ten listings.

Fortunately, my Diabetes has been kept under control with medication, diet, and exercise. It has been quite a change for me and I'm still not where I want to be with the diet and exercise -but I continue to work at it. I'm working towards a healthier me. How about you?

** some information taken from Good Morning America

smiling on the outside

In case the video isn't streaming correctly, you may also view it here on YouTube.

If you haven't already watched the above video, I encourage you to do so. It conveys my feelings better than I can.

My blogging friend Nancy, of More Than Enough, posted this video along with some very personal feelings she experienced during a very hard time in her life (post here). It reminded me of when I experienced some of the same feelings she described.

There was a time when I felt as though I was in an emotional vacuum. I was dealing with heartache and grief and it was getting the best of me. During that time, I felt like I was sleepwalking - just going through the motions of everyday life. I remember going to church one Sunday morning and after the service, standing amongst 100 or so people, I had to smile and make small talk all the while feeling so empty and alone. I just wanted to hide in some corner and cry, but that is not what was expected from me at the time and in that place.

As I stood there, with the smile plastered on my face, I looked around at the other people, who were also smiling and making small talk. I found myself wondering how many of them might be feeling the same way I was. How many of them were dealing with something painful? What struggles were they experiencing but didn't let any of it show? How many tormented souls put on the "I'm okay" mask so the rest of the world doesn't know how broken they really are?

I had never seen or thought about other people in this way before. Later, when my own heart was healed, I realized God had given me a gift. He gave me an insight and I believe He's asked me not to just look at a person from what I can see on the outside, but what might be going on on the inside.

And from my experience, when we start looking inside instead of strictly the outside, we come to learn more about ourselves and realize that we all need to be ministered to.

being authentic leads to vulnerability

My blogging friend, Susan, of Penless Writer, wrote a great post a couple of days ago on being authentic and vulnerable. I encourage you to go read this post to not only hear her views but to get the basis of my thoughts. I was commenting back to her and the more I wrote, the more it became apparent that I needed to put this in my own post. Here's are my thoughts:

I agree whole heartily with Susan when she writes: In thinking about being authentic I believe the main reason so many people aren't, both in real flesh and blood life and blogland, is the fear of the second word....being vulnerable. It's very true, if you are truly genuine and real, no false fronts, no phoniness, you will make yourself vulnerable.

In my more recent years, I have worked hard at being authentic. It's not always easy. It means that I have to show a part of myself that I don't want to admit to or shed light on. I believe we are all broken, but many times, I don't want to admit that. Some times I have a hard time admitting that to myself. Once I can be honest with myself, I still have to make the decision to be honest and open about my brokenness with others.

Maybe the harder aspect to being authentic is the ugliness that lies in each of us. God created us special and unique, but we live in a fallen world and therefore, sin lives within us. Even though I know I'm flawed, and that everyone else is, too, I have a hard time admitting to that. I don't want people to think of me as being perfect, but neither do I want them to think of me as someone who doesn't have their act together or struggles with something specific.

I guess that's what this all boils down to... judgement. I don't think any of us wants to be judged in any aspect of our lives. By being vulnerable, we put ourselves in that position. Why would we intentionally do this to ourselves? For me, I needed to see or feel the positive effects, instead of looking at it in a negative light.

I've realized that the older I get, the more I needed to be authentic and the more I worked at it, the easier it has become [and I'm still working at it]. I'm sure it's partially because I am more in touch with who I really am and who I really want to be. I think that comes naturally with age, but it does require some soul searching and commitment. For me, one of the rewards is the freedom from hiding behind one of the many masks I've carried with me my whole life.

One last thing... I want people to feel like they can be authentic with me. How can I expect this if I'm not willing to be authentic with them? This applies to all people, but became very real while working with teenagers. I think they have some innate sense of when an adult isn't being real with them. And how could I expect them to be real with me if I wasn't doing the same for them?

you are enough

The other day I was looking through my bookcase for a specific book. I never found it, but I came across a book that I had picked up some time ago. It's Leo Buscaglia's Born for Love, Reflections on Loving. I vaguely remember reading through some of this book before sticking it on the shelf, where it has sat for years.

So I opened it up and started reading through it. It's just a collection of short reflections on the subject of love. Some are kinda cheesy, but some are pretty profound. I want to share one that instantly resonated with me because it's something we try to teach the teens in our youth group.

You are enough
"You are the perfect you. No one can be a better you, no matter how much they so desire. This does not mean that you don't have the potential to become more. It simply means that you are not in competition with anyone. When you truly accept the fact that you have all you need to become fully you, you free yourself from a self-created, artificial identity. To be someone you are not take inordinate amounts of energy that could better go toward a more productive activity.
Since you are one of a kind, the message here is clear. You have something to offer that will never again be possible. To devalue this is not only a tragedy for you, but, in fact, for the world."

But as I was reading this, I realized how many adults struggle with this concept. And not because they don't want to love who they are. There are so many reasons why we may not like, let alone, love ourselves. I think it takes time for most of us to come to a place where we're okay with who we are, and maybe we never quite get totally there. As with everything else in our lives, it's a process.

Something that has helped me is something I heard years ago; God doesn't make mistakes. So when God formed me in my mother's womb, some 48-49 years ago, He knew exactly what He was doing. He decided what I was going to look like, what my personality was going to be like, my strengths, my weaknesses, my abilities, my flaws - and all of it was His perfect design. Surely not my idea of a perfect design, but His. And who am I to argue with that.

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link of the day:
http://www.magmypic.com/

decorating the tree

My Christmas tree is up and decorated. I love it. My tree is one of my most favorite parts of Christmas. I love ornaments - always have. I've made it a practice to purchase one new ornament each year. That's on top of ones that are given to me. So if you do the math, I have quite the collection, and it's very eclectic. But each one is special to me and as I place it on the tree, I remember where it came from and if it was a gift, I reflect on who gave it to me.

One regret I have when it comes to decorating my tree is that I pretty well do it by myself. It's not that I mind doing it myself. In fact, I enjoy my time alone with the tree. What I regret is my family feeling like they can't help. And it's my fault they feel this way. It's a mistake I wish I could go back and do differently.

Since decorating my tree has always been a passion [and a little bit of an obsession], I didn't let my kids do too much ornament hanging when they were younger. GASP! I know... I'm a terrible mother. I didn't realize what I was doing until it was too late. It wasn't until they were older that they started making comments like, "we don't put ornaments on because mom will just move them anyways," or "the tree has to be perfect."

Believe me, I feel very guilty and wish I hadn't been so obsessive about it. I wish I could have let go of the control and just let the kids have a good time - not worrying what the tree ended up looking like. I just didn't realize what I was doing and what kind of legacy I was leaving for my kids.

I did end up relinquishing control but it was too late. Even though I invite Dani and Jake to help me decorate, they don't really have any desire to do so. That makes me sad, but it is what it is, and there's not much I can do about it now.

So let this be a lesson to any of you who are reading this and have young kids at home. Let them join in the enjoyment of decorating the family tree. Don't worry about what it looks like. It's more important that they participate than to have that perfect tree.

And Dani and Jake - if you're reading this - I'm sorry I robbed you of the joy of the tradition of decorating the family Christmas tree. I wish I could go back and change that for the both of you.

***************
link of the day:
http://www.crayola.com/coloring_application/index.cfm?referrer=/coloringCraft/craft/index.cfm&mt=digicolor

i'm no hero

In my post yesterday, I briefly stated that something happened on vacation that has continued to bother me. I'll be honest, I'm a little hesitant to write about it here because I'm not very proud of how I acted - or is it reacted? But I see life as a giant classroom where there are lessons to be learned, and I would hope if something like this happened again, I would act in a different manner.

A week or so ago, I wrote about a scary night where we were woken to the sounds of alarms and a voice over a loud speaker making an evacuation announcement (read post here). There had been an electrical fire in the the kitchen directly below us and the entire hotel was evacuated. As Don and I entered the stairwell, the smell of the smoke was thick and pungent. We were on the eighth floor and followed others in descending the stairs while trying not to panic.

You could tell the smoke was getting thicker the lower we went. As we came to the fourth floor, those ahead of us stopped. People were yelling down to the ones lower than us asking why we had stopped and could we get through. The thought that crossed every one's minds was that the fire was near this stairwell and could we get through. The unsaid fear was that we would become trapped in this stairwell.

Don and I decided to try to get to another stairwell. As we stepped out and into the hallway on the fourth floor, we came upon a woman standing there with another woman in a wheel chair. The one pushing the other was very panicked. She frantically told us that she had no way of getting the other lady down because the elevators weren't working. At some point, a third lady appeared who seemed to be with them.

Don told them something to the effect that we could carry her down if we had to. But I think he was unsure of how to do that. We were still thinking we needed to find another way down. I stepped back into the stairwell to see what was happening and noticed no one there on that landing. I yelled back to Don that evidently the stairs were clear because all the people were gone.

You have to imagine what this all looked and felt like. It was surreal. We were awaken from a sound sleep so I'm sure our thought processes weren't working to full capacity. We were surrounded by an invisible, foul smelling smoke and trying not to go into full panic mode. Somehow we turned away from those three ladies and went back into the stairwell and continued our descent to the lobby.

When we got to the bottom, there was a security guard there holding the door open for us. We told him about the ladies on the fourth floor and he immediately took off to find them. So that made us feel better about the situation. But what didn't feel good is that we left them there in the first place.

It all happened so fast. In replaying it in my mind, I don't remember what the ladies were doing as we returned to the stairs. Did they feel abandoned by us? It seemed like the other lady was working at a way to get them all down - or is that just what my mind tells me so I feel better about turning my back on them? I really don't know. It's human to rationalize it all and come up with some scenario that allows me to find comfort in the decisions I made.

I'll tell you, I have a new respect for heroes. A person that can act in a way that puts someone else above themselves in the face of danger. I was put in that situation and I couldn't do it. I was so concerned with my and Don's safety, I couldn't stop to think and help out someone who obviously needed our help.

If something like this would happen again to me, I think I would try harder to help the other person. Not because I wouldn't be frightened or that I would want to be a hero, but because I wouldn't want to feel like I do now. Like a coward and a selfish one at that, or to be haunted by these words:

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." Phillipians 2:3-4

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link of the day:
http://thingsyoushoulddo.com/

cheering each other on

Jake had his regional cross country meet today. It's a very important race as it determines who goes on to the state meet. Only the best get to run in the state meet. Only the top 5 finishing teams from each regional race go on to run in the state meet. Jake's team (boys) finished second today and the girls finished third, so they'll both be running in Colorado Springs next week.

There were the usual coaches and parents cheering the kids on. There were also two boys, who had previously ran for the school, who left their college classes for the day to cheer the teams on. When I asked Jake about it, he told me how much it meant to him and the team to have them there and to have them run with and cheer on the runners. He felt that these two boys inspired the runners to keep running strong and to do their very best. Jake went on to tell me that it meant so much because they didn't have to be there and they had first hand knowledge of what the runners were going through. It wasn't just a coach or parent yelling, "run faster" or "you can do it." These boys knew exactly what the runners were thinking and feeling.

This made me think of how this parallels real life. When we're in the midst of something hard, like the runners running their race, we want someone, or a group, standing on the sidelines cheering us on, supporting and encouraging us. And how much more does it mean to us, or help us, if those supporters know what we're going through, or enough to know how difficult the race is. Those cheerleaders may make the difference in how we run (figuratively) and how well we finish.

On Jake's school's JV team, there is an autistic boy named Jack. Jack loves to run and the school wanted to accommodate his passion for running. But the coaches realized early on that they couldn't treat him like the other runners and let him run on his own. He needed guidance and supervision. Amazingly, a JV coach from another sport volunteered to run with Jack. That meant not just the races, but all of the practices, too.

I so much admire this coach. Not only did he do a lot of running, but he was also in charge of Jack before and after races. What a commitment to and impact on he made to this young man. And he did it with a great attitude and a smile on his face. Again, this situation made me think of our own personal hardships. Isn't our burden lighter if we have someone running right along side of us - a running companion if you will. Someone who not only gives us their company, but knows what the course looks like at the same time the runner does. That companion can help the runner decide which way to go or when to kick it into high gear. (Here is a picture of Jack and his running companion.)


All of this made me reflect on my own friends and then the friendships I have or have seen in the blogging world. It's a beautiful thing to watch women genuinely care for someone who they most likely haven't even met in person. I'm even wondering if it's easier to care for someone here in blogland. Maybe there's just enough privacy that we don't have to get entangled in all the particulars of any one's personal hardships. Maybe it's because one can only do so much that it doesn't become a hardship for anyone.

What I really think is that most women are caregivers by nature; a gift from God. The blogging world puts us in contact with a lot of different people that, in some cases, become part of our daily, or routine, life. We get to know each other and, in turn, want to encourage each other.

Thinking back to the race analogy, isn't it great to have cheerleaders standing on the sidelines, encouraging and supporting us as we run our race - whether it's short and easy jaunt around the block, or a big important race.

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link of the day:
http://www.cupcakesforacause.org/

timing is everything

A few weeks ago, a blogging friend posted this quote (thanks Melody):

"Each moment is a place you've never been." ~Mark Strand

I've been thinking about those words a lot ever since I read them. I've used them as inspiration to get out and experience life and I've used them as a reminder that there's a lot of places I have yet to visit. Life is a sequence of moments, and sometimes timing is everything.

Last Saturday, my family went up into the mountains, into Rocky Mountain National Park. It was a cold, dreary day, but I love the mountains and knew I would enjoy being up there even if we had to stay in the car the whole day (and we pretty well did). Most of the colored leaves had already fallen, but there were a few trees sporting their fallish colors. You can see a couple of pictures on my photo site, The World Through My Eyes.

We also saw a lot of elk. Most of them a good distance away. We came across a large herd and I (literally) jumped out of the car to try to get some good pictures. As I snapped away, the herd started to move and I ran in the same direction in an effort to get even closer and even better photos. It was a thrill to see this huge herd run across the road into a different spot. There was one bull that bugled and snorted his communication to his harem as he made sure they all stayed together and ended up where he wanted them.

After I had taken all the pictures I could, I hopped back into the car and we traveled further down the road. We eventually turned around and went back the same way we came. As we passed by the place where the herd had passed through, there was no sign of the spectacular event we had just witnessed. Cars were driving through without a clue. I couldn't help but think how timing can mean the difference in seeing something special and not seeing anything at all. The saying, "timing is everything" never rang more true.

I'm only posting one picture today and leaving a few more for tomorrow, for Wordless Wednesday. I feel blessed to have been at the right place at the right time, and to experience a moment as a place I had never been to before.


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link of the day:
http://video.aol.com/video-detail/7-year-old-sings-national-anthem/40945200

it's not about me

i spent most of my day sitting here on my couch with my laptop on my lap. i was going through over 200 photos i have of our previous youth group. i picked out the good ones - 97 of them. i cropped most of them. i uploaded them to myspace and entered captions for each one. i then wrote a myspace blog letting all my young friends know that there were pictures of them on my profile.

and through all of that, i cried.

some of you don't know my history. my husband and i used to be youthworkers at a different church than we are at now. we worked in the jr. high youth group for nearly 5 years and loved each and every kid that came through our group. we kept in touch with many of them after they moved on into high school and/or after we left the church.

so today, as i was pouring over these old photographs, i couldn't help but to tear up. so many good memories. so many kids that will always have a special place in our hearts. i miss them and the time we spent together.

as i was going through the photos, i came across the one i posted here. i remember taking it on a special outing up in the mountains. as i looked at it and reflected on all that happened that day, i felt a sense of peace. i was reminded that it's all about Jesus and not me.

He gave don and i the gifts and opportunity to be with these kids. what a wonderful blessing it was and still is. i was reminded that they are His children. that He is still watching over them. and that He is still pursuing them or enjoying the relationship He has with them.

we are thankful for another place to serve. for the new kids we have come to love. and for all the kids we will meet in the future. there will always be a past. we can remember it fondly and definitely learn from it. my challenge is to not let it ruin the present or influence the future. to remember that it's all about Jesus.

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link of the day:
http://www.hersheygifts.com/HDG_SpecialMessageKISSES.aspx?X=1

let HIS light shine

i thought i'd share something that i wrote in my S (scripture) O (observance) A (application) P (prayer) journal this week. i was reading from ephesians 1 and this verse really struck me.

:18 i pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope He has given to those He called - His holy people who are His rich and glorious inheritance. (nlt)



i love the visual of a heart so filled with light that it's bursting at the seams and rays of light can't help but flow out in all directions. how could you not have hope if there was so much light . so much that your heart - your core - can not contain it. if i am called by God, which i believe i am, then He wants me to be filled with His light. i want to be filled with as much light as i can possibly hold. even more, i want to be so full that i'm bursting at the seams and all those around me will see and feel HIS light.

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link of the day:
http://stripgenerator.com/

first and worst

jennifer over at pen of jen has given us something to write about. your "first and worst' jobs. so here it goes.

i was hired at k-mart as a cashier at the age of 15. i can't say this was the worse, but probably a close second. i think it was mostly because of my age. not only did i have to get used to working in the real world, but i always felt lonely. there wasn't many kids working there that were my own age. i'd go to work and do what i was hired to do and that part was fine. but i never socialized with anyone. being the social person that i am, i needed more interaction. i quit after three months and got a job with a small independent drug store. i liked that a lot more.

the worst job i had would probably have been a dream job for almost anyone else. it was with hughes aircraft (which is now raytheon). my job was to input data that i collected from different stations. i'd have to travel (by foot) to a few different buildings and then several places within the building i worked in. i then would go to a dinky little room where i'd sit in front of a computer and input a bunch of raw data. again, not too much interaction with anyone.

i learned a lot about myself during this job. what i like and don't like. what motivates me. what keeps me motivated and satisfied. from then on, i knew what i would want and not want in a job.
i learned that i need to know what the big picture is. at hughes, i was just a tiny bolt in a bigger machine. i never knew what any of the data meant or what the end result looked like. i also learned that i need accountability and to be kept busy. no one really watched me or i didn't need to be anywhere at any given time. as long as the data was within a certain time frame, i was doing my job. i found myself with large amounts of time where i had nothing to do. i started taking advantage of this in ways that i'm now not proud of. it didn't take long before i realized i didn't like how i spent my days. i quit right before christmas. people thought i was crazy because hughes gave their employees two weeks off at christmas. i was also making very good money. but all of that didn't make it worth staying. i was miserable.

i've had many jobs. i realized at some point that i enjoy the challenge of a new job. i enjoy going in to something, figuring it out, and making it better in whatever way is needed. but once i have achieved that, i get bored and most of the time, find that it's time for me to move on. i don't know if that's good or bad but i know that's how i'm wired.

fortunately, i haven't had to work since my kids were born. i've been blessed to be able to stay at home with them. i've had some part time jobs in the last 19 years but they were very flexible and they were the type where i went in, organized, and got out. i am currently a youthworker and i did work part time for a church for a bit, but i would have done the same thing for no pay. i prefer for my ministry to be done on a volunteer basis.

so there you go. my 'first and worst' jobs. plus so much more =] i'm looking forward to jen's next one.

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link of the day:
http://www.seatguru.com/

role models

i came across two contrasting stories today. they had to do with role models. unfortunately, one was a role model that the young people of today might try to emulate and the other is one from days gone by.

last friday, a coach for the minor league mississippi braves went crazy after an ump made a call that he didn't like. since the game was being televised, the footage was downloaded to the ever popular youtube. if you really want to watch it, you can follow this link.

the coach's tirade went on for over two minutes. he just went on and on. in my opinion, the only thing he accomplished was looking like a child throwing a temper tantrum. the sad thing is that hundreds (if not thousands) of young people have watched this video. i read that once it was uploaded to youtube, it quickly became one of the most watched video during that that time. and sadly, kids who watch it thinks it cool and funny. so what does this teach the younger generations?

the other thing i came across was a write-up about mr. rogers. whether you watched mr. rogers or not, whether you liked him or not, you'd have to admit he was one-of-a-kind. the tribute is titled, 15 reasons mr. rogers was the best neighbor ever and the 15 reasons were ones that i had never heard before.

if you read the post you'll understand what i mean when i say this is the kind of role model we want for the youth of today. he was disciplined, he was kind, he cared about others, and the list goes on. one of the most interesting things i found was that he got into tv because he actually hated tv. that's what you call; being part of the change and not part of the problem.

he said that the first time he turned on a tv, he saw people angrily throwing pies in each other's faces. he vowed to use the medium for a better purpose. he sure did. and now we're back to watching things such as a grown man kicking dirt and yelling at an authority figure, stealing a base, using a rosen bag as a hand grenade, and the list goes sadly on.

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link of the day:
http://www.usatoday.com/news/top25-disappear.htm