smiling on the outside

In case the video isn't streaming correctly, you may also view it here on YouTube.

If you haven't already watched the above video, I encourage you to do so. It conveys my feelings better than I can.

My blogging friend Nancy, of More Than Enough, posted this video along with some very personal feelings she experienced during a very hard time in her life (post here). It reminded me of when I experienced some of the same feelings she described.

There was a time when I felt as though I was in an emotional vacuum. I was dealing with heartache and grief and it was getting the best of me. During that time, I felt like I was sleepwalking - just going through the motions of everyday life. I remember going to church one Sunday morning and after the service, standing amongst 100 or so people, I had to smile and make small talk all the while feeling so empty and alone. I just wanted to hide in some corner and cry, but that is not what was expected from me at the time and in that place.

As I stood there, with the smile plastered on my face, I looked around at the other people, who were also smiling and making small talk. I found myself wondering how many of them might be feeling the same way I was. How many of them were dealing with something painful? What struggles were they experiencing but didn't let any of it show? How many tormented souls put on the "I'm okay" mask so the rest of the world doesn't know how broken they really are?

I had never seen or thought about other people in this way before. Later, when my own heart was healed, I realized God had given me a gift. He gave me an insight and I believe He's asked me not to just look at a person from what I can see on the outside, but what might be going on on the inside.

And from my experience, when we start looking inside instead of strictly the outside, we come to learn more about ourselves and realize that we all need to be ministered to.