I saw it many years ago, between two boys who lived on my block. I knew both boys because all the kids played together. They were the same age as my daughter. One boy was a bully and the other was meek and mild, and nice. Everyone knew bully boy, and knew he was a bully. Everyone knew nice guy and knew what a sweet kid he was.
I don't know when it started exactly, but I know it went on for years. It probably started when both boys were in elementary school. It ended when they were in middle school. Bully boy made life miserable for many classmates, but nice guy was one of his favorite targets. Some times the bullying was verbal, some times it was physical. School got involved, to no avail. Police got involved, to some avail.
It ended when nice guy had endured enough, mustered up enough courage, and punched bully boy. [I would have loved to have been there to see it!] From what I heard, bully boy was stunned. From what I heard, other kids cheered... to themselves. Of course, there was a price to pay. Nice guy was suspended for a day or two, and the police were once again called in. But that was about it. Nice guy found something to be proud of and bully boy moved on to torment other kids. I don't know if it had much impact on bully boy, but it changed nice guy's life.
I also saw it when my daughter was in middle school, between some mean girls and herself. Girl bullying is a little different. It's more verbal and manipulation. Mean girls deserve that name, and a few other choice descriptive words. Danielle made it through middle school and chose to attend a different high school than her classmates. Those few short years had a profound impact on her, and her self-esteem. It was so hard, as a parent, to watch and try to fix. There wasn't much we could do.
Oprah did a show yesterday on bullying. It made me mad. It made me sad. It made me cry. Part of the show was about two boys who killed themselves because they felt so tortured and felt as though there was no way out from the constant bullying. There are real and tragic consequences to bullying. It is more common in the schools than you may want to think.
If you have a child in school - and it can happen all the way from elementary to high school, there's a good chance they have seen bullying first hand, if not been part of it in some way. Please don't turn a blind eye to this destructive behavior. If your child is being bullied, please don't tell them to just ignore the bully. That will solve nothing and life ends up being an ongoing nightmare for them. If you suspect your child has bullying tendencies, address it now.
There are many good web sites that talk about bullying, including cyber-bullying - which is growing and can be even more vicious, but I think this one does a good job of covering everything. Again, please don't turn a blind eye to this deep impacting issue. It's something we all should be concerned about.
Showing posts with label youth of today. Show all posts
Showing posts with label youth of today. Show all posts
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
take a trip to the library
...
Did you know that this last week was National Library Week? I didn't, until today. So, my Aloha Friday question is in honor of this.
Do you use your local library? How often?
I hardly go to the library at all any more. Of course, we went quite a bit when the kids were younger. When they were really young, we'd make it a weekly trip and check out all kinds of books. As they got older, their books were either bought for them or taken from the school library. And by the time they hit high school, we (or they along) only went in when they needed to do research. The last time I visited the library down the street was to vote, back in November.
All that said, I do love the library. I have fond memories of visits to the library with my siblings. The musky smell of countless pages, the excitement of searching out that one or two perfect books, and the thrill of taking a new read home and transporting myself to another place.
This post makes me think about what I wrote in my previous post about teens and their reading habits. My brother, a principal in a small Christian school in California, wrote a wonderful comment that gives us insight into the problem with this generation and their reading habits. Thank you Steve. If you get a chance, go read it.
Aloha Friday found each and every Friday at An Island Life.
Did you know that this last week was National Library Week? I didn't, until today. So, my Aloha Friday question is in honor of this.
Do you use your local library? How often?
I hardly go to the library at all any more. Of course, we went quite a bit when the kids were younger. When they were really young, we'd make it a weekly trip and check out all kinds of books. As they got older, their books were either bought for them or taken from the school library. And by the time they hit high school, we (or they along) only went in when they needed to do research. The last time I visited the library down the street was to vote, back in November.
All that said, I do love the library. I have fond memories of visits to the library with my siblings. The musky smell of countless pages, the excitement of searching out that one or two perfect books, and the thrill of taking a new read home and transporting myself to another place.
This post makes me think about what I wrote in my previous post about teens and their reading habits. My brother, a principal in a small Christian school in California, wrote a wonderful comment that gives us insight into the problem with this generation and their reading habits. Thank you Steve. If you get a chance, go read it.
Aloha Friday found each and every Friday at An Island Life.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
there's a problem here
Working with middle school students in a school for the past six months has taught me a few things. It's funny, I've worked with middle school (and some high school) kids for nearly 10 years and felt like I knew just about everything there was to know about this age group. I knew something about how the pressures of school, and the social environment within, affected the student, but working in a school has given me even more knowledge and a better understanding of the average American teen.
There are a few things that bother me, but due to the projected length of the post, I'll only post on one at a time. The first one is the fact that a majority of students do not read.
A recent classroom period was spent helping students with their book reports, which were to be visual in some form. After hearing remarks about reading and about books over the previous months, I decided to do an informal survey. After assuring them I wouldn't say anything to the teacher, I simply asked them if they had actually read the entire book they were doing their report on.
My informal results showed that 75 to 80 percent of the class did not. Of those who did not read all of their book, some claimed to have read most, some said they only skimmed the book, and even more said they read the back of the book and a few pages here and there (mostly at the end).
When I asked how they then could write a report, their answers were just as varied. Many had looked up notes online, while a few had either read their book before or even seen the movie. And many had said in so many words, "the teacher doesn't expect much."
This bothers me on more than one level. I can't help but wonder what the teachers know and what they really expect from their students. I think it sends a pretty clear message that a student doesn't need to work very hard on these kinds of assignments. And the biggest; most students don't like to read, and thus, read at a lower level than where they should be.
I have listened to students read from their text books or from an article that we're all working on, and I am flabbergasted at how poorly some students read. I'm talking about eighth graders here. Students that are about to embark on high school. And they can't read the most basic text without sounding out each word or stumbling over simple words or just skipping over words claiming they don't know them. My thoughts... shocking!
Of course, this is not every student. There are a minority of kids who read very well, or at least, proficiently. And it's no coincidence that those who read well are the ones who read their entire books as assigned.
So, I have a secret wish; I want to help kids become readers. I don't think I alone will solve the problem I have stated here, but maybe one day this experience will allow me to be part of the solution. I just don't know how to do that at this point. But maybe some day I will.
There are a few things that bother me, but due to the projected length of the post, I'll only post on one at a time. The first one is the fact that a majority of students do not read.
A recent classroom period was spent helping students with their book reports, which were to be visual in some form. After hearing remarks about reading and about books over the previous months, I decided to do an informal survey. After assuring them I wouldn't say anything to the teacher, I simply asked them if they had actually read the entire book they were doing their report on.
My informal results showed that 75 to 80 percent of the class did not. Of those who did not read all of their book, some claimed to have read most, some said they only skimmed the book, and even more said they read the back of the book and a few pages here and there (mostly at the end).
When I asked how they then could write a report, their answers were just as varied. Many had looked up notes online, while a few had either read their book before or even seen the movie. And many had said in so many words, "the teacher doesn't expect much."
This bothers me on more than one level. I can't help but wonder what the teachers know and what they really expect from their students. I think it sends a pretty clear message that a student doesn't need to work very hard on these kinds of assignments. And the biggest; most students don't like to read, and thus, read at a lower level than where they should be.
I have listened to students read from their text books or from an article that we're all working on, and I am flabbergasted at how poorly some students read. I'm talking about eighth graders here. Students that are about to embark on high school. And they can't read the most basic text without sounding out each word or stumbling over simple words or just skipping over words claiming they don't know them. My thoughts... shocking!
Of course, this is not every student. There are a minority of kids who read very well, or at least, proficiently. And it's no coincidence that those who read well are the ones who read their entire books as assigned.
So, I have a secret wish; I want to help kids become readers. I don't think I alone will solve the problem I have stated here, but maybe one day this experience will allow me to be part of the solution. I just don't know how to do that at this point. But maybe some day I will.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
my heart breaks
When it comes to teenagers, many situations break my heart. But one of the biggest heart breaks comes when seeing teens without hope. I've seen this in varying degrees and varying time periods. One day the kid thinks all is lost, and the very next day they can be on cloud nine. The longer you work with teens, the more you can recognize these mood swings and know that they are different than true hopelessness.
In a church/youth group environment, when a teen is experiencing such hopelessness, Don and I (individually or collectively) have been able to combat that condition with the hope that Christ gives us all. Not only have we prayed for the teen, but we could pray with him/her as well. I think this alone gave some hope to them. We could give them scripture to hold on to and meditate on. We could take them out for a coke and let them pour out their heart. We had so many resources, and I felt comfortable and knowledgeable.
I no longer work officially as a youth worker, but have a job where I have the privilege of working with middle school teens. I have now seen this hopelessness in some of the kids I work with. There's two girls that I really feel is suffering right now. They haven't shared much of their personal life (as a youth group kid probably would) but it's clear that they aren't happy, and that it's more than just a mood swing.
One symptom is that they have lost all motivation to be at school. They just don't see the need to be there, to learn, to push on to higher education (and at this point, that's high school). They don't do what's required of them, they don't participate in discussions, and they're grades are almost at rock bottom.
When I talk to them, I feel helpless to help them. I can't bring my faith into the conversation. I can't share the hope that God gives me. I can't even take them out for a coke to allow them the opportunity to talk. About all I can do is pray for them and continue to show I care by engaging them in conversation.
This has been weighing heavily on me. I want to help. I took this job with a request of God to use me, as He sees fit, to help the kids I come in contact with. Am I supposed to help these two girls? How? My prayer will continue to be that if this is what He wants, He will show me how and give me the opportunities.
In the mean time, my heart breaks.
In a church/youth group environment, when a teen is experiencing such hopelessness, Don and I (individually or collectively) have been able to combat that condition with the hope that Christ gives us all. Not only have we prayed for the teen, but we could pray with him/her as well. I think this alone gave some hope to them. We could give them scripture to hold on to and meditate on. We could take them out for a coke and let them pour out their heart. We had so many resources, and I felt comfortable and knowledgeable.
I no longer work officially as a youth worker, but have a job where I have the privilege of working with middle school teens. I have now seen this hopelessness in some of the kids I work with. There's two girls that I really feel is suffering right now. They haven't shared much of their personal life (as a youth group kid probably would) but it's clear that they aren't happy, and that it's more than just a mood swing.
One symptom is that they have lost all motivation to be at school. They just don't see the need to be there, to learn, to push on to higher education (and at this point, that's high school). They don't do what's required of them, they don't participate in discussions, and they're grades are almost at rock bottom.
When I talk to them, I feel helpless to help them. I can't bring my faith into the conversation. I can't share the hope that God gives me. I can't even take them out for a coke to allow them the opportunity to talk. About all I can do is pray for them and continue to show I care by engaging them in conversation.
This has been weighing heavily on me. I want to help. I took this job with a request of God to use me, as He sees fit, to help the kids I come in contact with. Am I supposed to help these two girls? How? My prayer will continue to be that if this is what He wants, He will show me how and give me the opportunities.
In the mean time, my heart breaks.
Monday, September 29, 2008
on my own
I often think back on my childhood and remember how much I enjoyed the freedom I had. I'm talking about the freedom to travel outside my house without my parents having to be concerned of where I was and what might happen to me.
In 3rd grade, I was allowed to walk down several blocks to friend's homes to play. I remember going to a movie by myself. It was a special matinee for grade school students, but I remember being dropped off and walking in and sitting all by myself.
In 4th and 5th grade, I was allowed to play and explore the local foothills for hours at a time. I also remember selling door to door for fundraisers without my parents accompanying me. I remember going over to the local grade school and playing, with friends, on the playground.
In 6th grade, I remember riding my bicycle everywhere... and I do mean, everywhere. Even though my boundaries were pretty lenient, I often went beyond them. I loved the feeling of exploring new places and felt fearless and adventurous. I was also allowed to go to the mall with friends.
And as early as 3rd grade and every year thereafter until I was in high school, I remember walking or riding my bike to the local 7-11 or neighborhood liquor store to buy candy.
I loved this freedom I had. But times changed. The reasonably safe world I lived in as a child slowly stared dwindling away and I could not let my children enjoy some of the same freedom I had when I was their age. I don't think I was an over protective mother, just one with eyes wide open to the dangers that lurk almost everywhere. I was always concerned for their safety. I often wished things were different so my kids could have run and explored their world and then, ultimately, discovering themselves in new and fun ways.
I watched the Dr. Phil show today which was titled "Extreme Moms." There were moms who hovered over their children and monitored their every move. Extreme, indeed. And then there was a mom in New York who had her 9 year old son ride the subway home - not because he wanted to, but because she thought he needed to have the confidence to do such a thing. It's just my opinion, but I feel this is extreme, too.
At the time, this same mom wrote an article for her NY newspaper, "Why I let my 9 year old ride the subway alone," and ended up on the morning shows and pegged as the "America's worst mom." From there, she started a blog: Free Range Kids. I may find some of her methods extreme but I like that her blog opens the discussion on what is extreme and what our kids need. I encourage you to check it out.
As with anything, extreme isn't good. Balance is healthier and happier. And part of parenthood, and childhood, is finding the balance that works for you and your family.
In 3rd grade, I was allowed to walk down several blocks to friend's homes to play. I remember going to a movie by myself. It was a special matinee for grade school students, but I remember being dropped off and walking in and sitting all by myself.
In 4th and 5th grade, I was allowed to play and explore the local foothills for hours at a time. I also remember selling door to door for fundraisers without my parents accompanying me. I remember going over to the local grade school and playing, with friends, on the playground.
In 6th grade, I remember riding my bicycle everywhere... and I do mean, everywhere. Even though my boundaries were pretty lenient, I often went beyond them. I loved the feeling of exploring new places and felt fearless and adventurous. I was also allowed to go to the mall with friends.
And as early as 3rd grade and every year thereafter until I was in high school, I remember walking or riding my bike to the local 7-11 or neighborhood liquor store to buy candy.
I loved this freedom I had. But times changed. The reasonably safe world I lived in as a child slowly stared dwindling away and I could not let my children enjoy some of the same freedom I had when I was their age. I don't think I was an over protective mother, just one with eyes wide open to the dangers that lurk almost everywhere. I was always concerned for their safety. I often wished things were different so my kids could have run and explored their world and then, ultimately, discovering themselves in new and fun ways.
I watched the Dr. Phil show today which was titled "Extreme Moms." There were moms who hovered over their children and monitored their every move. Extreme, indeed. And then there was a mom in New York who had her 9 year old son ride the subway home - not because he wanted to, but because she thought he needed to have the confidence to do such a thing. It's just my opinion, but I feel this is extreme, too.
At the time, this same mom wrote an article for her NY newspaper, "Why I let my 9 year old ride the subway alone," and ended up on the morning shows and pegged as the "America's worst mom." From there, she started a blog: Free Range Kids. I may find some of her methods extreme but I like that her blog opens the discussion on what is extreme and what our kids need. I encourage you to check it out.
As with anything, extreme isn't good. Balance is healthier and happier. And part of parenthood, and childhood, is finding the balance that works for you and your family.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
listening with your heart [part two]
Tuesday I wrote about listening to our children with our hearts (read here). Here is the continuation of my thoughts.
Working with two different youth groups over the last eight years, I probably heard this phrase more than any other; "My parents just don't understand." Heck, I'd hear it from my own kids. And I remember thinking it when I was a teenager. Part of it is normal for teenagers. But I think we, as parents, can work harder at trying to understand.
When my kids would say this to me, my answer most of the time was, "You're right. I probably don't. Please help me to understand." And most of the time, they would try.
I see communication as the answer to helping us parents understand our children and I don't think you can have too much of it. It needs to be a constant in the life of a family. It needs to be something that is practiced all the time. It needs to work both ways. Each party (parent and child) needs to both listen and be given the opportunity to speak, knowing they are being listened to and treated with respect.
It needs to be used in the everyday so when something more critical comes along, there will already be a precedent. You can't expect to be able to discuss subject "A" if you have no history of talking things out. The more a family communicates, the more each person knows about the others and how they feel about certain subjects. And when something totally out of the blue is dropped in your lap, it can be discussed openly and freely because this format has already been established.
You may be thinking, "Well of course I'm planning to communicate with my teenager." I don't doubt that is the plan for most parents. But something happens when a kids starts to feel their way into [pre]adolescence. They're trying to figure out who they are and their "voice" becomes scary to parents and adults. Parents aren't sure what's going on. They feel like they're losing control. They don't like what they hear and see. Many will try to make sure their child acts "appropriately," according to their own views and agenda. Some will simply find it easier to just tell the child, "Do this" and "Don't do that," without giving the child a voice in the matter. And others will simply withdraw completely as the task is too difficult. They simply give up.
Here's where it gets tricky. I whole-heartily believe that parents should be parents and impart values and discipline. Kids actually want this. But I think parents also need to loosen the reigns enough for the child to grow and learn for themselves who they are and how to make it in this world. And this is where communication makes it all work.
The child learns from his/her parents because the parents are constantly communicating their values, respect, love, and support. When the child sees this and hears this on a regular basis, they will know it in their heart that their parents care about them and wants what is best for them. They then will feel safe to communicate their fears, needs, and desires and will actually appreciate their parent's input and guidance.
This doesn't work perfectly all the time. I am not a perfect parent. You can ask my children - they didn't always feel safe to express their feelings and and often times, didn't. That's part of being a teenager; keeping things to themselves and sharing only with their peers. But if a parent sets out to understand their teenager, it can only help that relationship and ultimately, the transformation of the teenager as they emerge as the person they were meant to be.
Working with two different youth groups over the last eight years, I probably heard this phrase more than any other; "My parents just don't understand." Heck, I'd hear it from my own kids. And I remember thinking it when I was a teenager. Part of it is normal for teenagers. But I think we, as parents, can work harder at trying to understand.
When my kids would say this to me, my answer most of the time was, "You're right. I probably don't. Please help me to understand." And most of the time, they would try.
I see communication as the answer to helping us parents understand our children and I don't think you can have too much of it. It needs to be a constant in the life of a family. It needs to be something that is practiced all the time. It needs to work both ways. Each party (parent and child) needs to both listen and be given the opportunity to speak, knowing they are being listened to and treated with respect.
It needs to be used in the everyday so when something more critical comes along, there will already be a precedent. You can't expect to be able to discuss subject "A" if you have no history of talking things out. The more a family communicates, the more each person knows about the others and how they feel about certain subjects. And when something totally out of the blue is dropped in your lap, it can be discussed openly and freely because this format has already been established.
You may be thinking, "Well of course I'm planning to communicate with my teenager." I don't doubt that is the plan for most parents. But something happens when a kids starts to feel their way into [pre]adolescence. They're trying to figure out who they are and their "voice" becomes scary to parents and adults. Parents aren't sure what's going on. They feel like they're losing control. They don't like what they hear and see. Many will try to make sure their child acts "appropriately," according to their own views and agenda. Some will simply find it easier to just tell the child, "Do this" and "Don't do that," without giving the child a voice in the matter. And others will simply withdraw completely as the task is too difficult. They simply give up.
Here's where it gets tricky. I whole-heartily believe that parents should be parents and impart values and discipline. Kids actually want this. But I think parents also need to loosen the reigns enough for the child to grow and learn for themselves who they are and how to make it in this world. And this is where communication makes it all work.
The child learns from his/her parents because the parents are constantly communicating their values, respect, love, and support. When the child sees this and hears this on a regular basis, they will know it in their heart that their parents care about them and wants what is best for them. They then will feel safe to communicate their fears, needs, and desires and will actually appreciate their parent's input and guidance.
This doesn't work perfectly all the time. I am not a perfect parent. You can ask my children - they didn't always feel safe to express their feelings and and often times, didn't. That's part of being a teenager; keeping things to themselves and sharing only with their peers. But if a parent sets out to understand their teenager, it can only help that relationship and ultimately, the transformation of the teenager as they emerge as the person they were meant to be.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
listening with your heart [part one]
I was thinking the other day about how much I dislike confrontation and why. I'm still trying to figure this out but I know that a lot of it is that my nature is one of being a peace-maker. I don't like the feeling of discord when two or more people don't get along.
As I was reflecting on this subject, I remembered that I did like confrontation when I was younger. I remember my turbulent teenage years and my relationship with my parents. I remember, at times, purposely pushing for that confrontation. I remember being conscious about that fact as I pushed certain buttons or wouldn't let a certain subject drop. Seems childish now, but I remember the feelings that were involved at the time and it felt like it was something I just had to do.
Having my own children travel through their own teenage years and working with teenagers, I now understand better what my internal angst was about and why I felt a need to act out.
I think it boils down to the teenager feeling like they don't have a voice in what happens to them or their life. This can be just perceived or factual. Either way, the feeling is very real. There's a saying that applies very much to a teenager's life; their perception is their reality.
Anything I write from here on will sound very simplistic and it really isn't. Every child is different. Parenting styles are different. But I think it's safe to say that pre-adolescent and adolescent children are feeling their way through very rocky years and need to be encouraged, supported, and unconditionally loved.
I think this means that parents need to help them through this time by allowing them to use their voice and listening to them with a heart wanting to understand what their struggles really are and coming along side them as they work through the ups and downs that come their way.
For me as a teenger, I know I felt like my voice wasn't being heard. That my parents didn't care about my feelings, my desires, my needs. As a parent, I can look back and know that my parents did care, but I don't think they really knew what my true desires and needs were. They were so wrapped up in doing what they felt was necessary as a parent (and I'm not saying that this is wrong), that it didn't matter what I wanted or needed.
I think there are ways that parents can be parents but still give their children their voice, which helps them figure out who they are and how to handle the obstacles that come their way.
To prevent this post from becoming too long, I will continue it Thursday. If you have any thoughts on this subject, please leave them in a comment and we'll continue the discussion on Thursday.
As I was reflecting on this subject, I remembered that I did like confrontation when I was younger. I remember my turbulent teenage years and my relationship with my parents. I remember, at times, purposely pushing for that confrontation. I remember being conscious about that fact as I pushed certain buttons or wouldn't let a certain subject drop. Seems childish now, but I remember the feelings that were involved at the time and it felt like it was something I just had to do.
Having my own children travel through their own teenage years and working with teenagers, I now understand better what my internal angst was about and why I felt a need to act out.
I think it boils down to the teenager feeling like they don't have a voice in what happens to them or their life. This can be just perceived or factual. Either way, the feeling is very real. There's a saying that applies very much to a teenager's life; their perception is their reality.
Anything I write from here on will sound very simplistic and it really isn't. Every child is different. Parenting styles are different. But I think it's safe to say that pre-adolescent and adolescent children are feeling their way through very rocky years and need to be encouraged, supported, and unconditionally loved.
I think this means that parents need to help them through this time by allowing them to use their voice and listening to them with a heart wanting to understand what their struggles really are and coming along side them as they work through the ups and downs that come their way.
For me as a teenger, I know I felt like my voice wasn't being heard. That my parents didn't care about my feelings, my desires, my needs. As a parent, I can look back and know that my parents did care, but I don't think they really knew what my true desires and needs were. They were so wrapped up in doing what they felt was necessary as a parent (and I'm not saying that this is wrong), that it didn't matter what I wanted or needed.
I think there are ways that parents can be parents but still give their children their voice, which helps them figure out who they are and how to handle the obstacles that come their way.
To prevent this post from becoming too long, I will continue it Thursday. If you have any thoughts on this subject, please leave them in a comment and we'll continue the discussion on Thursday.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
recommended reading
You'll never be able to guess what happened on my flight into California yesterday. Go ahead, just try. Can't.... okay, I'll just tell you =)
I finished the book I've been reading f.o.r.e.v.e.r. It's amazing how much reading I can get done with 2 1/2 hours of uninterrupted time. The book (I know you're tired of seeing it on my sidebar) was Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult.
I think I mentioned it months ago how hard this book was for me to get through. It's about a teenage boy who, after being bullied for years, goes into his high school and carries out a Columbine-type massacre. I could only read short bits at a time because I found myself in tears with a broken heart.
Of course the school shooting hit a little too close to home, but it was more of how the writer shows us what life was like for this boy. Not only his high school days, but starting at his kindergarten year, how he was misunderstood, bullied, and felt alone and hopeless. As a youth worker, I see this more than I want to, and I see the effects it has on a child. Thankfully, it doesn't lead all kids to going out and exacting revenge, but it does have long term effects.
I recommend this book not only for the readers out there, but all parents. It gives you some insight into the world of a teenager. It also shows us how our words and actions towards our children - as innocent and well-intentioned they are - may not be what they need to hear, how they can actually do harm.
We need to be aware of what our children are dealing with. We need to know how to help them through trying times. We need to help them become strong individuals who know they are loved and can handle everything that is set before them. We need to know what path our children are on before they go down a dangerous one so far that they can't find their way back.
..."Ask a random kid today if she wants to be popular and she'll tell you no, even if the truth is that if she was in a desert dying of thirst and had the choice between a glass of water and instant popularity, she'd probably choose the latter. See, you can't admit to wanting it, because that makes you less cool. To be truly popular, it has to look like it's something you are, when in reality, it's what you make yourself.
...I wonder if anyone works any harder at anything than kids do at being popular. I mean, even air-traffic controllers and the president of the United States take vacations, but look at your average high school student, and you'll see someone who's putting in time twenty-four hours a day, for the entire length of the school year.
...So how do you crack that inner sanctum? Well, here's the catch: it's not up to you. What's important is what everyone else thinks of how you dress, what you eat for lunch, what shows you TiVo, what music is on your iPod.
...I've always sort of wondered, though: If everyone else's opinion is what matters, then do you ever really have one of your own?"
............~quoted from the book, taken from one of the character's journal.
I finished the book I've been reading f.o.r.e.v.e.r. It's amazing how much reading I can get done with 2 1/2 hours of uninterrupted time. The book (I know you're tired of seeing it on my sidebar) was Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult.
I think I mentioned it months ago how hard this book was for me to get through. It's about a teenage boy who, after being bullied for years, goes into his high school and carries out a Columbine-type massacre. I could only read short bits at a time because I found myself in tears with a broken heart.
Of course the school shooting hit a little too close to home, but it was more of how the writer shows us what life was like for this boy. Not only his high school days, but starting at his kindergarten year, how he was misunderstood, bullied, and felt alone and hopeless. As a youth worker, I see this more than I want to, and I see the effects it has on a child. Thankfully, it doesn't lead all kids to going out and exacting revenge, but it does have long term effects.
I recommend this book not only for the readers out there, but all parents. It gives you some insight into the world of a teenager. It also shows us how our words and actions towards our children - as innocent and well-intentioned they are - may not be what they need to hear, how they can actually do harm.
We need to be aware of what our children are dealing with. We need to know how to help them through trying times. We need to help them become strong individuals who know they are loved and can handle everything that is set before them. We need to know what path our children are on before they go down a dangerous one so far that they can't find their way back.
..."Ask a random kid today if she wants to be popular and she'll tell you no, even if the truth is that if she was in a desert dying of thirst and had the choice between a glass of water and instant popularity, she'd probably choose the latter. See, you can't admit to wanting it, because that makes you less cool. To be truly popular, it has to look like it's something you are, when in reality, it's what you make yourself.
...I wonder if anyone works any harder at anything than kids do at being popular. I mean, even air-traffic controllers and the president of the United States take vacations, but look at your average high school student, and you'll see someone who's putting in time twenty-four hours a day, for the entire length of the school year.
...So how do you crack that inner sanctum? Well, here's the catch: it's not up to you. What's important is what everyone else thinks of how you dress, what you eat for lunch, what shows you TiVo, what music is on your iPod.
...I've always sort of wondered, though: If everyone else's opinion is what matters, then do you ever really have one of your own?"
............~quoted from the book, taken from one of the character's journal.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
unbelievable
I don't usually support law suits. The only ones are where there is obvious gross negligence. I learned of a situation today and it makes me so upset that I want to sue this teacher on behalf of a little boy.
Here's the unbelievable story. A five year old boy was "voted out" of his kindergarten class after each classmate was allowed to say what they didn't like about him. After he was asked to leave the classroom, he went and sat in the nurses office for the rest of the day.
This is so wrong on so many levels and it makes me so mad - and sad. What is crazy about the whole thing is that a teacher instigated this. What in the world was she thinking!? This little boy is in the process of being diagnosed with Aspberger's Syndrome, which is a highly functioning form of autism. But whether this student was challenged in some way or not, why would you have some kind of process where you vote a fellow student out of the classroom?
Have we not learned anything from school shootings, such as Columbine, or from best selling books explaining how bullying affects a child? Don't teachers see these affects on a daily basis and therefore have a deeper compassion for the plight of students? I just don't get this teacher. And then what was the school thinking letting this child sit in the nurse's office the rest of the day? It breaks my heart to think what was going through this boy's mind as he sat all by himself for any period of time.
Evidently, the mother filed a complaint but the state attorney's office concluded that the matter didn't meet the criteria for emotional child abuse and therefore no criminal charges were filed. I don't get that either. What was done to this innocent little boy constitutes emotional abuse in my book. The mother is considering suing and I hope she does. I think the teacher and the school need to be held accountable for what they did.
And I pray for this little boy. May he come to know compassion, understanding, tolerance, acceptance, and support. If a student can't get these things in a kindergarten class, we as a society are in trouble.
***************
link of the day:
http://www.coca-cola.com/template1/index.jsp;jsessionid=0000S18uPElev8SOQ4MRXaroxza:11krg1m6a?locale=en_US&site=../olympics/index.jsp
Here's the unbelievable story. A five year old boy was "voted out" of his kindergarten class after each classmate was allowed to say what they didn't like about him. After he was asked to leave the classroom, he went and sat in the nurses office for the rest of the day.
This is so wrong on so many levels and it makes me so mad - and sad. What is crazy about the whole thing is that a teacher instigated this. What in the world was she thinking!? This little boy is in the process of being diagnosed with Aspberger's Syndrome, which is a highly functioning form of autism. But whether this student was challenged in some way or not, why would you have some kind of process where you vote a fellow student out of the classroom?
Have we not learned anything from school shootings, such as Columbine, or from best selling books explaining how bullying affects a child? Don't teachers see these affects on a daily basis and therefore have a deeper compassion for the plight of students? I just don't get this teacher. And then what was the school thinking letting this child sit in the nurse's office the rest of the day? It breaks my heart to think what was going through this boy's mind as he sat all by himself for any period of time.
Evidently, the mother filed a complaint but the state attorney's office concluded that the matter didn't meet the criteria for emotional child abuse and therefore no criminal charges were filed. I don't get that either. What was done to this innocent little boy constitutes emotional abuse in my book. The mother is considering suing and I hope she does. I think the teacher and the school need to be held accountable for what they did.
And I pray for this little boy. May he come to know compassion, understanding, tolerance, acceptance, and support. If a student can't get these things in a kindergarten class, we as a society are in trouble.
***************
link of the day:
http://www.coca-cola.com/template1/index.jsp;jsessionid=0000S18uPElev8SOQ4MRXaroxza:11krg1m6a?locale=en_US&site=../olympics/index.jsp
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
trends, fads, and fancies
The Silent Generation: people born before 1945.
The Baby Boomers: people born between 1945 and 1961.
Generation X: people born between 1962 and 1976.
Generation Y: people born between 1977 and 1989... and beyond
Why do we call the last one generation Y?
I did not know, but a caricaturist explains it eloquently below...
I think I've been pretty tolerant of youth and their trends, fads and fancies, but there are a few things that have always bothered me. One being the way boys wear their pants - just like the cartoon depicts. It's fashion now and most don't even know where it came from and don't care how it looks. If you want an explanation of where this fashion trend started, email me and I'll be happy to let you know. I just don't want to do that here on my blog [it is a family friendly blog after all].
Another is the way young kids think it's funny - cool - hip - whatever, to pretend to be gangsters. Again, it's a fad and it's commonplace. Most kids don't give it a second thought. They have the mentality of everyone does it so why not. If they only knew, or more importantly, understood how violent and deadly gangs in this country are. I don't understand why they would want to emulate a member of a gang. But they don't see it the same way an adult does.
And the last thing that bothers me is how commonplace swearing and profane language has become. Teenagers today hear this kind of language all day long (if they're in a public school) and don't think twice when the same words come out of their mouths. And how can we blame them for using such language when it's everywhere (except churches).
I am shocked when I hear this kind of language used on late night TV shows. Of course, it's bleeped out, but you know what they're saying. Students have told me they have teachers who use profane words. Of course, if a kid has parents talking this way, how would they not. I've heard it from store clerks, waiters, and even the Starbuck's barista.
If kids hear it everywhere, how can they keep from using the same kind of language? I honestly don't think some of them realize they even use certain words. The more you hear it or say it, the less you're aware of it coming out of your own mouth.
Don't get me wrong, I love teenagers and even some of their quirky ways. It's just that I wish some things were diferent for them. These are things I wish would change about this generation. I don't see it happening, though. Sad, but true.
***************
link of the day:
http://www.thedontquitpoem.com/
The Baby Boomers: people born between 1945 and 1961.
Generation X: people born between 1962 and 1976.
Generation Y: people born between 1977 and 1989... and beyond
Why do we call the last one generation Y?
I did not know, but a caricaturist explains it eloquently below...
I think I've been pretty tolerant of youth and their trends, fads and fancies, but there are a few things that have always bothered me. One being the way boys wear their pants - just like the cartoon depicts. It's fashion now and most don't even know where it came from and don't care how it looks. If you want an explanation of where this fashion trend started, email me and I'll be happy to let you know. I just don't want to do that here on my blog [it is a family friendly blog after all].
Another is the way young kids think it's funny - cool - hip - whatever, to pretend to be gangsters. Again, it's a fad and it's commonplace. Most kids don't give it a second thought. They have the mentality of everyone does it so why not. If they only knew, or more importantly, understood how violent and deadly gangs in this country are. I don't understand why they would want to emulate a member of a gang. But they don't see it the same way an adult does.
And the last thing that bothers me is how commonplace swearing and profane language has become. Teenagers today hear this kind of language all day long (if they're in a public school) and don't think twice when the same words come out of their mouths. And how can we blame them for using such language when it's everywhere (except churches).
I am shocked when I hear this kind of language used on late night TV shows. Of course, it's bleeped out, but you know what they're saying. Students have told me they have teachers who use profane words. Of course, if a kid has parents talking this way, how would they not. I've heard it from store clerks, waiters, and even the Starbuck's barista.
If kids hear it everywhere, how can they keep from using the same kind of language? I honestly don't think some of them realize they even use certain words. The more you hear it or say it, the less you're aware of it coming out of your own mouth.
Don't get me wrong, I love teenagers and even some of their quirky ways. It's just that I wish some things were diferent for them. These are things I wish would change about this generation. I don't see it happening, though. Sad, but true.
***************
link of the day:
http://www.thedontquitpoem.com/
Monday, April 14, 2008
which brings me to...
Heather asked: What inspired you to get into Youth Ministry? There are several things that happened that I attribute to my start in youth ministry. What probably had the biggest influence was Columbine. I was like every other person in the state watching this tragedy unfold. It touched us all. But for me, it also started me wondering and stirred things within my heart.
Most people felt like the boys who carried out such carnage were demons and they and their parents didn't deserve any compassion or understanding. But I couldn't help but wonder what made these boys do such a thing and my heart broke for who they had become.
This was the beginning of the stirrings of my heart for the plight of young people. It continued when my daughter entered 6th grade, a few months later, and I was thrown into a whole different world - so different from elementary school. This world included mean girls and kids doing just about anything to "fit in." I started reading and observing in an effort to understand.
Midway through Danielle's 6th grade year, she decided she didn't want to be a part of the youth group any more. With some problems at school, I wanted her to have a place outside of that world that was a positive and encouraging experience for her. But that wasn't happening. About that time, the Youth Pastor asked for volunteers. I thought this would be a good way to get Danielle to go and to see first hand what was "wrong" with the group and have a chance to change it.
The rest, as they say, is history. I could go on with the story but I think this answers the question. I will say that my perception of teens changed a lot once I got to know them and my understanding of their world grew. I thought I was going to go in to this group and change things appropriately. Well, I didn't change them, they changed me. They opened my eyes as God opened my heart.
which brings me to the next question...
Sharon asked: What are you most passionate about? What is the one thing that you could sit up all night and talk about? That would have to be TEENAGERS! I could sit up all night and talk with teenagers or I could sit and talk about teenagers. Either one would make me happy.
I enjoy talking one on one or in a small group of teens. I enjoy hearing their stories and getting to know them as a person. I enjoy sharing their laughter and their tears.
Their world is so different than what most adults think it is. I could go on and on trying to explain what that world looks like, why they do the things they do, the challenges and stress they constantly endure, and how much they just need love and understanding.
My passion is personally loving them, showing them how much Christ loves them, and encouraging others to love them.
which brings me to the next question...
Ma Kettle (Jen) asked: If you had the world stage with this blog for one post, what would you write about? That would have to be LOVE! I don't know if I could get it all in one post because there's so many aspects that I would want to cover.
I would start with God's love for us. How all encompassing and unconditional it is and even though we don't deserve it, He pours it out to us from a limitless supply. I would then have to say something about how His love can flow through us onto others. My love for teenagers is ALL Him. I would not be able to love them without Him filling my heart first with love for them.
But it's not just teenagers. It's anyone and everyone. God's greatest command is to love Him and his second is to love others. So I would probably include something to the effect of how different the world would be if we all practiced such love.
Most people felt like the boys who carried out such carnage were demons and they and their parents didn't deserve any compassion or understanding. But I couldn't help but wonder what made these boys do such a thing and my heart broke for who they had become.
This was the beginning of the stirrings of my heart for the plight of young people. It continued when my daughter entered 6th grade, a few months later, and I was thrown into a whole different world - so different from elementary school. This world included mean girls and kids doing just about anything to "fit in." I started reading and observing in an effort to understand.
Midway through Danielle's 6th grade year, she decided she didn't want to be a part of the youth group any more. With some problems at school, I wanted her to have a place outside of that world that was a positive and encouraging experience for her. But that wasn't happening. About that time, the Youth Pastor asked for volunteers. I thought this would be a good way to get Danielle to go and to see first hand what was "wrong" with the group and have a chance to change it.
The rest, as they say, is history. I could go on with the story but I think this answers the question. I will say that my perception of teens changed a lot once I got to know them and my understanding of their world grew. I thought I was going to go in to this group and change things appropriately. Well, I didn't change them, they changed me. They opened my eyes as God opened my heart.
which brings me to the next question...
Sharon asked: What are you most passionate about? What is the one thing that you could sit up all night and talk about? That would have to be TEENAGERS! I could sit up all night and talk with teenagers or I could sit and talk about teenagers. Either one would make me happy.
I enjoy talking one on one or in a small group of teens. I enjoy hearing their stories and getting to know them as a person. I enjoy sharing their laughter and their tears.
Their world is so different than what most adults think it is. I could go on and on trying to explain what that world looks like, why they do the things they do, the challenges and stress they constantly endure, and how much they just need love and understanding.
My passion is personally loving them, showing them how much Christ loves them, and encouraging others to love them.
which brings me to the next question...
Ma Kettle (Jen) asked: If you had the world stage with this blog for one post, what would you write about? That would have to be LOVE! I don't know if I could get it all in one post because there's so many aspects that I would want to cover.
I would start with God's love for us. How all encompassing and unconditional it is and even though we don't deserve it, He pours it out to us from a limitless supply. I would then have to say something about how His love can flow through us onto others. My love for teenagers is ALL Him. I would not be able to love them without Him filling my heart first with love for them.
But it's not just teenagers. It's anyone and everyone. God's greatest command is to love Him and his second is to love others. So I would probably include something to the effect of how different the world would be if we all practiced such love.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
the hope in it
Thank you to everyone who commented to my last two posts. You all brought some good stuff to the table. Not only do I appreciate hearing the different views, but I think it benefits all who read them. Here are the rest of my thoughts on this subject.
Yesterday I wrote about the reality of middle school and the kids who attend. I believe most of the girlfriend-boyfriend relationships are in name only. And even though they're in name only, they can turn out bad.
Many times a boy and girl who were friends and then decided to become a boyfriend-girlfriend find themselves not talking to each other at all because they don't know how to handle the expectations of having this status. They "break-up" quickly and unfortunately, their friendship can't withstand the fallout.
Even though I believe most of these relationships (and I obviously use that term loosely), there are those kids who take it to a deeper level. Since they are so young, most of it is experimenting and doing what they think is expected of them, since being in a "relationship." But as all adults know, that usually leads to trouble. The facts is; there are sexually active kids in middle school.
That is why it's important to be in touch with what's happening in your child's environment and lay a foundation of communication, discipline, respect and trust - and all this has to happen before your child goes into his/her middle school years.
I'm a firm believer in communication - mutual communication. I needed to know what my kids were thinking and feeling and experiencing in order to know why they reacted in a certain way or how to help them with something. Likewise, I wanted my kids to know why we made certain decisions, why we had to say no, and what we expected from them. If you have this foundation already in place when your child gets to middle school, it helps to navigate through this turbulent and bewildering period.
If you have guidelines for dating, you should communicate that as early as possible. I have a friend whose kids knew, from the time they learned to talk, that they were not allowed to date one on one until they were 16. There was never any need to try to negotiate. That's just the way it was. It worked because that rule wasn't all of a sudden sprung on them when they were at the age when they were watching their peers have boyfriends and girlfriends. They also communicated to their children why they had this policy and why it was important to them. They didn't just say, "because I'm the parent and I say so." They did it will love and logic.
My son had a girlfriend when he was 13, but we did a lot of talking about what it meant to be a boyfriend and was was expected from him. We met her family and got to know them very well (luckily, we liked them a lot). He and his girlfriend only did things in a group setting, most of the time with other friends and then other times with one of the families. I truly believe he learned personal, relational, and social skills during this time. They were allowed some freedom within a closely watched and regulated environment.
Did I know everything that went on - no. Did he tell me everything that was on his mind - I'm sure not. But we were able to talk about a lot that I think helped him understand relationships. I honestly don't think we would have had some of those same conversations if he were in high school. By that time, kids think they know it all and don't need their parents.
What I didn't address here, but what I feel is true, is that there is a difference between boys and girls when it comes to this subject. How much self esteem a girl has, and how empowered she feels, will play a role when it comes to wanting the acceptance and fitting in, thus having a boy friend. I could write another post on this subject, so I'm not going to go on. This post is long enough =)
I wouldn't presume to tell anyone how to parent their children. And I sincerely hope no one feels that way by what I've written. I recognize that we all parent differently and no one knows our kids better than we do, as parents. These are just my thoughts, personal opinions, and experience. Thank you again for your input. I enjoy reading each and every comment.
Yesterday I wrote about the reality of middle school and the kids who attend. I believe most of the girlfriend-boyfriend relationships are in name only. And even though they're in name only, they can turn out bad.
Many times a boy and girl who were friends and then decided to become a boyfriend-girlfriend find themselves not talking to each other at all because they don't know how to handle the expectations of having this status. They "break-up" quickly and unfortunately, their friendship can't withstand the fallout.
Even though I believe most of these relationships (and I obviously use that term loosely), there are those kids who take it to a deeper level. Since they are so young, most of it is experimenting and doing what they think is expected of them, since being in a "relationship." But as all adults know, that usually leads to trouble. The facts is; there are sexually active kids in middle school.
That is why it's important to be in touch with what's happening in your child's environment and lay a foundation of communication, discipline, respect and trust - and all this has to happen before your child goes into his/her middle school years.
I'm a firm believer in communication - mutual communication. I needed to know what my kids were thinking and feeling and experiencing in order to know why they reacted in a certain way or how to help them with something. Likewise, I wanted my kids to know why we made certain decisions, why we had to say no, and what we expected from them. If you have this foundation already in place when your child gets to middle school, it helps to navigate through this turbulent and bewildering period.
If you have guidelines for dating, you should communicate that as early as possible. I have a friend whose kids knew, from the time they learned to talk, that they were not allowed to date one on one until they were 16. There was never any need to try to negotiate. That's just the way it was. It worked because that rule wasn't all of a sudden sprung on them when they were at the age when they were watching their peers have boyfriends and girlfriends. They also communicated to their children why they had this policy and why it was important to them. They didn't just say, "because I'm the parent and I say so." They did it will love and logic.
My son had a girlfriend when he was 13, but we did a lot of talking about what it meant to be a boyfriend and was was expected from him. We met her family and got to know them very well (luckily, we liked them a lot). He and his girlfriend only did things in a group setting, most of the time with other friends and then other times with one of the families. I truly believe he learned personal, relational, and social skills during this time. They were allowed some freedom within a closely watched and regulated environment.
Did I know everything that went on - no. Did he tell me everything that was on his mind - I'm sure not. But we were able to talk about a lot that I think helped him understand relationships. I honestly don't think we would have had some of those same conversations if he were in high school. By that time, kids think they know it all and don't need their parents.
What I didn't address here, but what I feel is true, is that there is a difference between boys and girls when it comes to this subject. How much self esteem a girl has, and how empowered she feels, will play a role when it comes to wanting the acceptance and fitting in, thus having a boy friend. I could write another post on this subject, so I'm not going to go on. This post is long enough =)
I wouldn't presume to tell anyone how to parent their children. And I sincerely hope no one feels that way by what I've written. I recognize that we all parent differently and no one knows our kids better than we do, as parents. These are just my thoughts, personal opinions, and experience. Thank you again for your input. I enjoy reading each and every comment.
Friday, March 7, 2008
the reality of it
My question today is the same one I posed in my post yesterday. I didn't get much feedback (where is everyone?), so I thought I'd post it again today under the Aloha Friday meme.Is it appropriate for a 13 year old to have a boyfriend or girlfriend? and At what age is it appropriate for your child to have a boyfriend or girlfriend?
Here's my two cents on the subject and let me preface it by saying that this is just my opinion but it comes with experience and some knowledge as a parent of two teenagers and a youthworker who has worked with middle school students for eight years.
I remember being flabbergasted when I first started working with middle schoolers and realized that boys and girls were calling each other boyfriends and girlfriends. The concept was not only hard for me to grasp but I had strong feelings that these kids were just too young to be in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. But by hanging out with these kids, I learned some things.
Let me first say this; the preadolescence and adolescent years of a kid today is different than when the parents experienced these same years, no matter what the age of the parents. Children are developing at a younger age than ever before, and this includes hormonal changes. This means there is a natural attraction to the opposite sex at a younger age, most of the time starting in elementary school.
By the time a child turns 13 (or younger), he/she has already been dealing with these attractions for some time. Middle School gives a child the opportunity to be social and experiment a little with the emotions they are feeling. The name of the game in middle school is fitting in, and if most kids are being social with the opposite sex and then having a boyfriend or girlfriend, believe me, that's what your kid will want to do, too.
A middle school student is trying to figure out who they are and where and how they fit in. They don't want to be different. They want to do and be like their friends, or worse - those popular kids. Add to that the fact that they have a natural attraction to those of the opposite sex, and you get boyfriends and girlfriends.
BUT WAIT! ...having a boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't necessarily mean what you think it does. It's been my experience that having a boyfriend or girlfriend is an 'in name only' status for most kids. Of course, there are the exceptions, but most kids don't know what a relationship of that magnitude is supposed to look or feel like. Because of this, and other reasons, most boyfriend-girlfriend combinations don't last more than a week or so. That's because they don't know what they're supposed to do.
As bizarre as this is, it is what life looks like for a middle school student in a public or private school. Obviously, home schooled kids have a different environment. And as much as we, as parents, probably don't approve of this, there are social skills that they are learning through this process. I don't know as much about this aspect, but I'd venture to say that these skills are useful as they go into high school and are thrown deeper into the world of boy-girl relationships and "real" dating.
This has become a lot longer than I could have imagined and I still have more to say; my personal experience with my son when he was 13 and had a girlfriend and what I think parents can and should be doing, no matter what age their kids are. I will continue with these thoughts in tomorrow's post. Please come back to get my full answer to the original question. And thank you for all your comments on this subject. I truly believe we can all learn from each other with an open and respectful conversation.
***************
link of the day:
http://www.clubmom.com/go/tweens
Friday, December 7, 2007
YOU can make a difference
I had a Show & Tell post all ready to go when I came upon a blog that I just felt I needed to share. I'll save the S&T for next Friday.
My blogging friend, Melissa, pointed me in the direction of the 25 Days to Make a Difference site. It's about making a difference, in big and small ways, through the Christmas season. It was started by a young lady named Laura who decided to do this in remembrance of her Grandfather who passed away. Be sure to read the 'About this Project' section. She is one amazing kid.
You can sign up to be part of this worthwhile project or just read Laura's posts or how other people are getting involved. I think it's pretty amazing. One of the things I like is that it doesn't have to be something big to qualify for making a difference. We can all make a difference by doing the smallest of things for other people, or the environment, or even ourselves.
And this isn't just for adults. In fact, since she is a teenager, she's encouraging kids of all ages to get involved. You also have a chance to win part of the money she's collecting to donate to a charity of your choice. If you wish to participate in this, you must sign up by tomorrow, Saturday, December 8th.
Please... please..... PLEASE, go and check out this site. I think it would be a great thing to get involved in, but even if you don't, I think you will find the project, and what's being done, very inspirational.
***************
link of the day:
http://www.moillusions.com/2007/12/julian-beevers-new-3d-sidewalk.html
My blogging friend, Melissa, pointed me in the direction of the 25 Days to Make a Difference site. It's about making a difference, in big and small ways, through the Christmas season. It was started by a young lady named Laura who decided to do this in remembrance of her Grandfather who passed away. Be sure to read the 'About this Project' section. She is one amazing kid.You can sign up to be part of this worthwhile project or just read Laura's posts or how other people are getting involved. I think it's pretty amazing. One of the things I like is that it doesn't have to be something big to qualify for making a difference. We can all make a difference by doing the smallest of things for other people, or the environment, or even ourselves.
And this isn't just for adults. In fact, since she is a teenager, she's encouraging kids of all ages to get involved. You also have a chance to win part of the money she's collecting to donate to a charity of your choice. If you wish to participate in this, you must sign up by tomorrow, Saturday, December 8th.
Please... please..... PLEASE, go and check out this site. I think it would be a great thing to get involved in, but even if you don't, I think you will find the project, and what's being done, very inspirational.
***************
link of the day:
http://www.moillusions.com/2007/12/julian-beevers-new-3d-sidewalk.html
Thursday, October 25, 2007
blogging pre-teens
On the blog, Mile High Mamas, there was a post that asked the question whether or not a 10 year old should be allowed to have her own email account and blog. I commented with some of the following information because I just had a conversation with a friend about this very subject.
My friend gave me permission to share her experience here on my blog since she doesn't have one of her own. Her daughter is 11 and was recently allowed to have her own blog. Like the mother that posted on Mile High Mamas, my friend was unsure whether it was a good idea to let her daughter have a presence on the internet. There are so many scary stories out there and I applaud any parent who is faced with this question and takes it seriously. I don't think there are any clear cut answers and I think only parents are qualified to make decisions regarding this subject. By the way- the following experience can be applied to regular teenagers, too.
Having said that, I'd like to share my friend's experience in saying yes to her daughter's desire to have her own blog. She said yes, but with certain expectations and limitations. I won't list all of those, but one agreed upon item was that the daughter was not allowed to post until mom read it and gave her approval. She didn't want her daughter to give out any personal information.
For the most part, her daughter has done a great job. There were only a few little things that mom didn't want going out. All she had to do was to explain what particular piece of the post was the problem and why. She did it as she sat in front of the computer and next to her daughter. There was an open discussion - a conversation where both sides were heard. And once mom was able to give good reason why the certain info was better left off the post, the daughter could see and understand why her mom wanted it that way.
I just think this is a beautiful picture; mom and daughter sitting side by side, mutually conversing, mom teaching and daughter listening and learning. The mom told me that this time has actually been a wonderful way to keep the lines of communication open between the two of them. She has seen the benefit in other areas of their relationship, too. Where before, communication might have been difficult, or even, non-existent, now it's present and fairly easy going. She feels so much closer to her daughter.
And I say that's a great thing! It's very easy for a parent-child relationship to be stained and increasingly growing distant as the child enters adolescence/middle school. I would encourage any parent nearing this time, or in this time, to find ways to stay connected with your child. One of the best ways to do that is take an interest in what your child is into or wants to get into. The benefits of a close relationship and open communication will not only greatly benefit the both of you during this time, but could make all the difference in the future paths he or she will eventually take.
***************
link of the day:
http://www.littlemissmatched.com/
My friend gave me permission to share her experience here on my blog since she doesn't have one of her own. Her daughter is 11 and was recently allowed to have her own blog. Like the mother that posted on Mile High Mamas, my friend was unsure whether it was a good idea to let her daughter have a presence on the internet. There are so many scary stories out there and I applaud any parent who is faced with this question and takes it seriously. I don't think there are any clear cut answers and I think only parents are qualified to make decisions regarding this subject. By the way- the following experience can be applied to regular teenagers, too.
Having said that, I'd like to share my friend's experience in saying yes to her daughter's desire to have her own blog. She said yes, but with certain expectations and limitations. I won't list all of those, but one agreed upon item was that the daughter was not allowed to post until mom read it and gave her approval. She didn't want her daughter to give out any personal information.
For the most part, her daughter has done a great job. There were only a few little things that mom didn't want going out. All she had to do was to explain what particular piece of the post was the problem and why. She did it as she sat in front of the computer and next to her daughter. There was an open discussion - a conversation where both sides were heard. And once mom was able to give good reason why the certain info was better left off the post, the daughter could see and understand why her mom wanted it that way.
I just think this is a beautiful picture; mom and daughter sitting side by side, mutually conversing, mom teaching and daughter listening and learning. The mom told me that this time has actually been a wonderful way to keep the lines of communication open between the two of them. She has seen the benefit in other areas of their relationship, too. Where before, communication might have been difficult, or even, non-existent, now it's present and fairly easy going. She feels so much closer to her daughter.
And I say that's a great thing! It's very easy for a parent-child relationship to be stained and increasingly growing distant as the child enters adolescence/middle school. I would encourage any parent nearing this time, or in this time, to find ways to stay connected with your child. One of the best ways to do that is take an interest in what your child is into or wants to get into. The benefits of a close relationship and open communication will not only greatly benefit the both of you during this time, but could make all the difference in the future paths he or she will eventually take.
***************
link of the day:
http://www.littlemissmatched.com/
Friday, September 14, 2007
patience is a virtue
A man's wisdom gives him patience;
it is to his glory to overlook an offense.
Proverbs 19:11
My patience, and tolerance to rudeness, was sorely tested yesterday. Here's what happened...
I pulled into the drive-thru line at T*co Bell and noticed an elderly gentleman in a car waiting to get into the line at the point where he was located. The problem was, it wasn't the way the line of cars was going. I don't know how long he had been sitting there, waiting there for someone to let him in. So when I got to that point, I decided to let him go ahead of me. (yah yah, i know, I'm such a nice person).
As the car ahead of me moved and I motioned for this gentleman to go ahead, some punk kid behind me, driving a topless jeep, sped around me and took that place in line - the one in front of me. I was so caught up with what was happening that I sped up thinking I could stop that yellow jeep, but forgetting about the guy who I was going to let go ahead of me.
I was so angry. My heart was thumping loudly in my chest as I calculated what, if anything, I should do. What would you do? I ended up just yelling out my window at him, "hey! that wasn't cool!" The hardest part of this whole situation was that I had to then follow him the rest of the time in line. He never looked in his rear view mirror at me or acknowledged that he heard what I yelled at him. I was seething.
As I sat there, moving one car at a time closer to the speaker and the "can I take your order?," all I could do was to stare at this punk kid, the girl in the passenger seat, and his stupid yellow jeep. He was shirtless and I noticed all of his tattoos. I watched as he and the girl lit up their cigarettes. I read the offensive bumper stickers that cluttered the back of the jeep. I noticed that the boy and the girl hardly said more than a sentence or two to each other. And I couldn't help but notice that they ordered a lot of food.
The long line gave me time to settle down a bit. As I did, all I could do was stare at this kid in front of me and try to figure him out. Why would he do such a thing? Was being rude part of his personality? Did he think nothing of cutting in front of someone in such a bold way? Maybe he was in a big hurry for some reason and felt like he needed to cut down his time in line. Or maybe he and this girl were in a fight and he was so mad that his cut in line was an impulsive decision.
I don't know and I never will. Yes, it was very rude, but there are a lot of rude and unthinking, uncaring people out there. By the time we had both given our orders and were waiting for our time to collect our food, God gave me two messages. The first being; patience is a virtue and love is patient. The other one was; you reap what you sow. I would hate to think what all this punk kid will be reaping if he continues down the path he seemed to be on.
As I write this, I feel like God is giving me one more message; it's not my place to judge. So, I'll leave it at that.
***************
link of the day:
http://www.photostamps.com/
it is to his glory to overlook an offense.
Proverbs 19:11
My patience, and tolerance to rudeness, was sorely tested yesterday. Here's what happened...
I pulled into the drive-thru line at T*co Bell and noticed an elderly gentleman in a car waiting to get into the line at the point where he was located. The problem was, it wasn't the way the line of cars was going. I don't know how long he had been sitting there, waiting there for someone to let him in. So when I got to that point, I decided to let him go ahead of me. (yah yah, i know, I'm such a nice person).
As the car ahead of me moved and I motioned for this gentleman to go ahead, some punk kid behind me, driving a topless jeep, sped around me and took that place in line - the one in front of me. I was so caught up with what was happening that I sped up thinking I could stop that yellow jeep, but forgetting about the guy who I was going to let go ahead of me.
I was so angry. My heart was thumping loudly in my chest as I calculated what, if anything, I should do. What would you do? I ended up just yelling out my window at him, "hey! that wasn't cool!" The hardest part of this whole situation was that I had to then follow him the rest of the time in line. He never looked in his rear view mirror at me or acknowledged that he heard what I yelled at him. I was seething.
As I sat there, moving one car at a time closer to the speaker and the "can I take your order?," all I could do was to stare at this punk kid, the girl in the passenger seat, and his stupid yellow jeep. He was shirtless and I noticed all of his tattoos. I watched as he and the girl lit up their cigarettes. I read the offensive bumper stickers that cluttered the back of the jeep. I noticed that the boy and the girl hardly said more than a sentence or two to each other. And I couldn't help but notice that they ordered a lot of food.
The long line gave me time to settle down a bit. As I did, all I could do was stare at this kid in front of me and try to figure him out. Why would he do such a thing? Was being rude part of his personality? Did he think nothing of cutting in front of someone in such a bold way? Maybe he was in a big hurry for some reason and felt like he needed to cut down his time in line. Or maybe he and this girl were in a fight and he was so mad that his cut in line was an impulsive decision.
I don't know and I never will. Yes, it was very rude, but there are a lot of rude and unthinking, uncaring people out there. By the time we had both given our orders and were waiting for our time to collect our food, God gave me two messages. The first being; patience is a virtue and love is patient. The other one was; you reap what you sow. I would hate to think what all this punk kid will be reaping if he continues down the path he seemed to be on.
As I write this, I feel like God is giving me one more message; it's not my place to judge. So, I'll leave it at that.
***************
link of the day:
http://www.photostamps.com/
Sunday, July 29, 2007
home schooling - part 2
okay, let's see if i can make this short yet say everything i want to say. if you didn't read part 1, please do so by scrolling down to yesterday's post. there i said the difference i noticed in kids who were home schooled and those not, has had the biggest impact on my opinions of home schooling.
as a youthworker, i can't help but notice how stressed-out and beat-down a lot of the kids in my youth group are. as i take the time to listen to their stories and get to know them better, i've come to realize how the time they spend in a public/private school environment impacts them.
but this issue has more to do with the social aspect of school, not the educational. it has to do with the other students they hang around with and the microcosm of school life. and although i care about the educational side and know how important it is, it's the social aspect that makes me scream for change and see the advantages of home schooling your kids.
i saw this aspect play out personally in my own family. my daughter, danielle, suffered during her middle school years. this is the first time i considered home schooling for my family. had i felt more confident in my abilities, i would have yanked her out and started right away. she was being attacked by "mean girls" and the little self-confidence she had was eroding quickly. she made it through but chose a different high school to go to. it wasn't easy for her, but she made it through and now is doing well in college.
this is why i say home schooled kids are more self-assured, self-confident. they are not exposed to this life consisting of students looking for their place, for acceptance at the expense of others. they aren't beaten down on a daily basis. kids and parents alike are unaware and don't understand how this affects how johnny and susie survive and who they become because of it. it's sad to watch, and even sadder knowing there's really nothing you can do to change it for a student. i could write a book on this subject, so i'll end this part here.
the other thing i wanted to share was about my other child, my son, jake. he is a very bright child. he's smarter than his mom and dad combined. so when i think about his education, i'm glad he's attending public school. of course, we're in a very good school district and he's part of a higher level curriculum program.
he's going into his fourth year in the internatinal baccalaureate (i.b.) program. this has been a great program for him. it has challenged him and given him a fantastic education. it teaches it's students how to learn as opposed to teaching them what to learn. and if he does well on his i.b. tests, he can knock off up to two years of college.
i tell you all of this because i can't even imagine trying to home school this kid. he's been in advanced classes since elementary school. it was obvious at an early age that he needed to be challenged. and i don't think i would have done him justice if i had home schooled him. i don't think i could have offered him what the school district has given him.
but i want to be clear... this is a reflection on me, not on home schooling. i'm sure there are many bright kids out there being home schooled. and that their teacher(s) have given them curriculum that challenges them and has brought them into higher levels of education. this just goes towards my thinking that not everyone is cut out or qualified to be a teacher or to home school their children. i think home schoolers can agree with me on this.
i want to close this with what many feel and others have said. home schooling shouldn't divide us as much as it has. we shouldn't be so judgemental of either side because we should know what works for some, doesn't work for others. we should embrace the differences and then learn from them. we, as parents, need to do what we think is best for our children, and then not be judged for those decisions.
thank you for taking the time to read all of this. i would love to hear your thoughts on home schooling and/or on what i have written here.
***************
link of the day:
http://dsc.discovery.com/convergence/sharkweek/sharkweek.html
as a youthworker, i can't help but notice how stressed-out and beat-down a lot of the kids in my youth group are. as i take the time to listen to their stories and get to know them better, i've come to realize how the time they spend in a public/private school environment impacts them.
but this issue has more to do with the social aspect of school, not the educational. it has to do with the other students they hang around with and the microcosm of school life. and although i care about the educational side and know how important it is, it's the social aspect that makes me scream for change and see the advantages of home schooling your kids.
i saw this aspect play out personally in my own family. my daughter, danielle, suffered during her middle school years. this is the first time i considered home schooling for my family. had i felt more confident in my abilities, i would have yanked her out and started right away. she was being attacked by "mean girls" and the little self-confidence she had was eroding quickly. she made it through but chose a different high school to go to. it wasn't easy for her, but she made it through and now is doing well in college.
this is why i say home schooled kids are more self-assured, self-confident. they are not exposed to this life consisting of students looking for their place, for acceptance at the expense of others. they aren't beaten down on a daily basis. kids and parents alike are unaware and don't understand how this affects how johnny and susie survive and who they become because of it. it's sad to watch, and even sadder knowing there's really nothing you can do to change it for a student. i could write a book on this subject, so i'll end this part here.
the other thing i wanted to share was about my other child, my son, jake. he is a very bright child. he's smarter than his mom and dad combined. so when i think about his education, i'm glad he's attending public school. of course, we're in a very good school district and he's part of a higher level curriculum program.
he's going into his fourth year in the internatinal baccalaureate (i.b.) program. this has been a great program for him. it has challenged him and given him a fantastic education. it teaches it's students how to learn as opposed to teaching them what to learn. and if he does well on his i.b. tests, he can knock off up to two years of college.
i tell you all of this because i can't even imagine trying to home school this kid. he's been in advanced classes since elementary school. it was obvious at an early age that he needed to be challenged. and i don't think i would have done him justice if i had home schooled him. i don't think i could have offered him what the school district has given him.
but i want to be clear... this is a reflection on me, not on home schooling. i'm sure there are many bright kids out there being home schooled. and that their teacher(s) have given them curriculum that challenges them and has brought them into higher levels of education. this just goes towards my thinking that not everyone is cut out or qualified to be a teacher or to home school their children. i think home schoolers can agree with me on this.
i want to close this with what many feel and others have said. home schooling shouldn't divide us as much as it has. we shouldn't be so judgemental of either side because we should know what works for some, doesn't work for others. we should embrace the differences and then learn from them. we, as parents, need to do what we think is best for our children, and then not be judged for those decisions.
thank you for taking the time to read all of this. i would love to hear your thoughts on home schooling and/or on what i have written here.
***************
link of the day:
http://dsc.discovery.com/convergence/sharkweek/sharkweek.html
Saturday, July 28, 2007
home schooling - part 1
jen, over at pen of jen, wrote about home schooling today. i wanted to leave her a comment giving her my opinion on a couple of things when i realized the comment would be way too long. so since i didn't really have something pressing to write about today, i'm going to put in my two cents about homeschooling. i'm thinking, though, that it's going to end up being a two parter.
i will start by saying that i didn't know anything about home schooling until i moved here to colorado in 1990. when i first heard and met some families who were doing it, i did not think it was a good thing. in fact, i thought only weird families did such a thing. and yes, my biggest and number one question was, "what about socialization?"
to be honest, i thought this way for a long time. i tried not to judge, but i just didn't get why families wouldn't trust the public or private school systems. a few things have made me look at home schooling in a different light.
1) columbine. living here in colorado, we lived and breathed the tragedy of columbine for months (and beyond). my eyes were opened to what high school life was really like for some kids. it was obvious that for some, there was no escape from the misery of high school. i don't think most parents have a clue of what these years look like.
2) testing. i got to the point that i hated all the testing that was/is taking place in our schools. from where i sit, the schools spend more time prepping and practicing for these tests than they do teaching the rest of the curriculum. and mostly, this is for the measurement of the schools - not the students. our kids would be learning more if less time was spent on testing.
3) the kids. when i started doing youthwork in 2000, i started noticing things about the students i came in contact with. to put it simply, kids that have been homeschooled are nicer, smarter (generalizing here), better mannered, and have a higher level of self-confidence.
this last issue has had the biggest impact on my opinions on the subject at hand. i'm thinking i will have a lot to say on this, so i'm going to save it for part 2 on this subject. i also want to express why i'm glad my son is in the school and program he is in, both being public.
so please come back for part 2. and as usual, i'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions. and don't forget to vote on my poll. c'mon... it's not hard and i would really appreciate it.
***************
link of the day:
http://www.stuffonmycat.com/
i will start by saying that i didn't know anything about home schooling until i moved here to colorado in 1990. when i first heard and met some families who were doing it, i did not think it was a good thing. in fact, i thought only weird families did such a thing. and yes, my biggest and number one question was, "what about socialization?"
to be honest, i thought this way for a long time. i tried not to judge, but i just didn't get why families wouldn't trust the public or private school systems. a few things have made me look at home schooling in a different light.
1) columbine. living here in colorado, we lived and breathed the tragedy of columbine for months (and beyond). my eyes were opened to what high school life was really like for some kids. it was obvious that for some, there was no escape from the misery of high school. i don't think most parents have a clue of what these years look like.
2) testing. i got to the point that i hated all the testing that was/is taking place in our schools. from where i sit, the schools spend more time prepping and practicing for these tests than they do teaching the rest of the curriculum. and mostly, this is for the measurement of the schools - not the students. our kids would be learning more if less time was spent on testing.
3) the kids. when i started doing youthwork in 2000, i started noticing things about the students i came in contact with. to put it simply, kids that have been homeschooled are nicer, smarter (generalizing here), better mannered, and have a higher level of self-confidence.
this last issue has had the biggest impact on my opinions on the subject at hand. i'm thinking i will have a lot to say on this, so i'm going to save it for part 2 on this subject. i also want to express why i'm glad my son is in the school and program he is in, both being public.
so please come back for part 2. and as usual, i'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions. and don't forget to vote on my poll. c'mon... it's not hard and i would really appreciate it.
***************
link of the day:
http://www.stuffonmycat.com/
Monday, July 2, 2007
while waiting in line
i am a people watcher. i often find myself watching parent/child interactions with fascination. it goes something like this...
i was standing in line the other day and there was a father and his young son in front of me. it was fun to watch the two of them because the little boy was so cute and the two of them were playing little games and talking to each other as only a daddy and his little boy can. it was obvious that they loved each other and having fun with each other. it sure made waiting in line more tolerable.
but i couldn't help but wonder what that little boy was going to look like and act like when he got older. at what point would things change? at what point will the son not want to talk to his dad anymore? at what point will the dad find he has more important things to do than play with his son? at what point will the two of them fail to remember the games they played and the conversations they had when there was nothing as important in life but wait in a line together?
would it be all of a sudden? no, if you're a parent you know it's a gradual thing. it just seems like it happens over night. maybe that point will never come with these two. i can only hope.
as i left the line (my business was done) and walked out of the building, i saw a couple boys sitting on the curb. i'm not judging here, just trying to paint a picture for you. they were wearing all black and their hair was long, black and styled in an interesting fashion. they had piercings. they were both smoking cigarettes.
i couldn't help but contrast them to the little boy i had just seen. i tried to picture these two teenagers as little boys. what did their relationship with their dads look like when they were young? probably much like i had just seen. again, at what point did it change? why did it change?
the other day i was watching a mother with three children - two of them girls. they seemed to be normal little girls but as i watched them (yes, i was in a line again), it became apparent that there was a mean streak in them. they must have been around the ages of 6 and 8, and already, they were being mean to each other, and not just the normal sisterly meanness. i couldn't help but imagine them in middle school, when that meaness will be at it's peak and countless victims will be affected.
the point to this post? i don't know. i guess i just want to encourage any young parent out there. try to treasure every minute with your child... even those while standing in a never-ending line. and to also offer the insight of the reality that your child will go through those points of change. these phases are normal and needed.
my advice... don't let them go through these phases by themselves. go through them with them, and with your eyes wide open. they need you with every step they take. and at some point, they'll be able to thank you.
***************
link of the day:
http://heycanihavetendollars.com/
i was standing in line the other day and there was a father and his young son in front of me. it was fun to watch the two of them because the little boy was so cute and the two of them were playing little games and talking to each other as only a daddy and his little boy can. it was obvious that they loved each other and having fun with each other. it sure made waiting in line more tolerable.
but i couldn't help but wonder what that little boy was going to look like and act like when he got older. at what point would things change? at what point will the son not want to talk to his dad anymore? at what point will the dad find he has more important things to do than play with his son? at what point will the two of them fail to remember the games they played and the conversations they had when there was nothing as important in life but wait in a line together?
would it be all of a sudden? no, if you're a parent you know it's a gradual thing. it just seems like it happens over night. maybe that point will never come with these two. i can only hope.
as i left the line (my business was done) and walked out of the building, i saw a couple boys sitting on the curb. i'm not judging here, just trying to paint a picture for you. they were wearing all black and their hair was long, black and styled in an interesting fashion. they had piercings. they were both smoking cigarettes.
i couldn't help but contrast them to the little boy i had just seen. i tried to picture these two teenagers as little boys. what did their relationship with their dads look like when they were young? probably much like i had just seen. again, at what point did it change? why did it change?
the other day i was watching a mother with three children - two of them girls. they seemed to be normal little girls but as i watched them (yes, i was in a line again), it became apparent that there was a mean streak in them. they must have been around the ages of 6 and 8, and already, they were being mean to each other, and not just the normal sisterly meanness. i couldn't help but imagine them in middle school, when that meaness will be at it's peak and countless victims will be affected.
the point to this post? i don't know. i guess i just want to encourage any young parent out there. try to treasure every minute with your child... even those while standing in a never-ending line. and to also offer the insight of the reality that your child will go through those points of change. these phases are normal and needed.
my advice... don't let them go through these phases by themselves. go through them with them, and with your eyes wide open. they need you with every step they take. and at some point, they'll be able to thank you.
***************
link of the day:
http://heycanihavetendollars.com/
Sunday, April 22, 2007
be a positive presence
there's been a few situations lately that has confirmed one of my core beliefs when it comes to working with teenagers. and that is that any adult can be a "positive presence" in a kid's life. it's actually a lot easier than you might think.
for a lot of adults, the teenagers of today are scary and thought to be avoided. but what many don't know is that teenagers are actually craving adults in their lives. especially as they move towards the end of their high school years and into adulthood.
it seems as we move from one generation to the next, the teenagers have less and less interaction with adults. our communities get smaller, families are more fractured, and more adults are concerned more with their own agendas. the result of all this is that teenagers feel abandoned and therefore close ranks and give the illusion that they don't care what the adult world thinks of them and doesn't want them around.
but that's really not what's going on (for the most part). as teens grow older, they know they need to fit into society as an adult. but a lot of them are unsure of how to do this or are afraid they won't fit in. so, even tho they can't articulate this, they want and need adults around to teach them and to let them know that they're doing ok.
so the next time you have the chance to be around a teenager, don't think of them as some kind of alien to your world. look at them as a young learner - eager to soak up your knowledge and wisdom. i say that a little hesitantly because it's also very important in how you present that knowledge and wisdom. it should be done in a caring way through some kind of easy-going relationship. maybe i'll write more about that later.
just remember the words, "positive presence." just by being that in a young person's life will teach them more than either of you can imagine.
***************
link of the day:
http://www.websudoku.com/
for a lot of adults, the teenagers of today are scary and thought to be avoided. but what many don't know is that teenagers are actually craving adults in their lives. especially as they move towards the end of their high school years and into adulthood.
it seems as we move from one generation to the next, the teenagers have less and less interaction with adults. our communities get smaller, families are more fractured, and more adults are concerned more with their own agendas. the result of all this is that teenagers feel abandoned and therefore close ranks and give the illusion that they don't care what the adult world thinks of them and doesn't want them around.
but that's really not what's going on (for the most part). as teens grow older, they know they need to fit into society as an adult. but a lot of them are unsure of how to do this or are afraid they won't fit in. so, even tho they can't articulate this, they want and need adults around to teach them and to let them know that they're doing ok.
so the next time you have the chance to be around a teenager, don't think of them as some kind of alien to your world. look at them as a young learner - eager to soak up your knowledge and wisdom. i say that a little hesitantly because it's also very important in how you present that knowledge and wisdom. it should be done in a caring way through some kind of easy-going relationship. maybe i'll write more about that later.
just remember the words, "positive presence." just by being that in a young person's life will teach them more than either of you can imagine.
***************
link of the day:
http://www.websudoku.com/
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