love is...

30 days of WORDS TO LIVE BY

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV

where does hate come from?

and
Why is there so much hate in the world?

This is what's been rattling around in my brain lately, ever since a white supremacist entered the Holocaust museum and opened fire, killing a security guard. He didn't just hate Jews, but his hate was so passionate that it drove him to want to kill those he hated. And a week before, a fanatic went into a church and shoots down an abortion doctor all in the name of pro-life. How can someone who proclaims to be pro-life snuff out a life? I don't understand hate and I definitely don't understand murder. How does someone have that much hate in them?

I googled "where does hate come from" and found a few interesting sites and tidbits of information. One shared theory is that all hatred arises from a story; there can be no hatred without a tale of woe to tell about how the hater has been wronged in some way. Others (professionals and otherwise) have stated that it comes from fear, ignorance, arrogance, a sense of superiority, upbringing, and/or insecurities.

I say it's a combination of at least some of these, if not all of them. In some ways, they're all intertwined with each other. That's why I wrote what I did in yesterday's post. I think ignorance is common. Judgement comes from ignorance. In fact, we can all look at that list and find one or more areas where we may personally struggle with. But I think it's safe to say that we don't allow it to become hate. Or maybe it does, to some degree. Maybe there's more hate in us common folk than we know or are willing to admit to. I don't know. Does anyone know?

I realize I'm asking questions that I'll never get clear answers to. I simply don't think there are any answers to the age old question of; Why does the seed of hate bloom in some but not others? It's just one of those sad facts of life. And it makes me feel sad for those who let hatred rule and ruin their lives.

God wants us to live a life of joy. There can be no true joy when hatred is present. In my humble opinion, true joy comes from love - loving and being loved. Imagine what this world would be like if we all practiced love more. Who knows how many lives might be changed? Who knows how much hate might be driven away?

Hate is easy.
Love takes courage.
...

you are loved

You are loved. Even if you don't always feel loved, you are loved. Even if you can't always see love, you are loved. Even when you feel alone or lonely, you are loved.

Our society dictates that we show love in specific, tangible, predictable ways - flowers, candy, love letters, rings. These are the acceptable ways of showing love. And yet, the most exciting expressions of love come in those out-of-the-ordinary, surprising, funny moments.

The problem is not that we are unloved: the problem is that we have a limited view of love's expression. We need to broaden our view. We need to improve our lovesight so we don't overlook the subtle, creative, unique ways that love come to us.

Love behaves in many different ways. One person declares love through hard work, providing for a loved one. Another expresses love by carefully choosing a perfect gift and presenting it at just the right moment. Someone else lavishes tender and meaningful words on a beloved - perhaps in a specially chosen greeting card, a personally composed note, or an unexpected phone call. A fourth shows love through encouragement.

Love come to you from many different sources too. Can you doubt the love in a tiny boy's handful of pansies plucked from the grumpy neighbor's flower garden? Can you deny the love in a Crayola portrait of Grandad? What mother would miss the love shown by a teenager who cleaned up his room without being prodded? And what about a friend who offers to help you with a crash project at work?

Love may show up wrapped in the funny papers and twine or exquisitely presented in glossy paper and glistening bows. it shines in silent glances from across the room. it might even come in a soft purr or the wag of a tail. It doesn't matter what form it takes, as long as it comes from the heart.

Even when all these ordinary kinds of love seem to fail, you are still loved extraordinarily. For God's love letter speaks gloriously to you: God loves you so much that he sent his precious only Son to lead you home to live with him forever. Oh, yes, you are definitely loved. Never doubt it.

~Mary Hollingsworth

dear jake

Dear Jake,

How can I put into words how I'm feeling? I won't be able to do so completely, but I'll tell you a little of what's been going through my head and what my heart's been feeling.

Pride! I am so, so proud of you. You have made it through thirteen years of going to school, working hard on everything that has been asked of you, and proven yourself to be a very smart person. You have excelled and persevered through the last four years of a rigorous curriculum.

But you haven't kept your nose in the books the whole time. I'm so glad that you are a well rounded person. You have a social life which includes friends and a girlfriend. You play sports. You're in a band. You do volunteer work. And you have a job. You are amazing!

Sadness! Yes, I am feeling sad. I am sad and nostalgic when I remember the last seventeen years. So many memories have flooded me over the past few days, from when you were a toddler to last week escorting your girlfriend to your last prom. There have been so many good memories and I will hold them in my heart forever.

I'm also sad to think that you will be moving out of this house and most likely not live here again except for extended visits. It's going to be so quiet and empty. I'll miss hearing how your day was and what you learned in one of your various classes. I'll miss our late night chats. And who am I going to nag? I think I will be sad for some time to come.

These are all natural feelings for a mother while watching her son graduate from high school, knowing that said son will be going off to college in a few months. They come from a basic foundation, and that would be love! One day you'll be a parent and know what it's like to love a child with such depth. It's fantastic and it's frightening.

For the last 20 years, you and your sister have been my number one priority. Every day was a blessing. To watch you grow up and into the young man you are has been a true gift. A gift I will always treasure. Even though a certain aspect of my mothering job is over, I will always be there for you. I will always be standing in your corner, cheering you on. And I am very much looking forward to watching you as you navigate your future, to see what amazing things you'll accomplish and the lives you'll touch.

Good luck, son. I know there are great things waiting for you. Enjoy this part of your journey. Laugh a lot and love much. Remember your faith and how much God loves you. And never forget that dad and I are always here for you.

I love you, Jake. Once again... congratulations!

6 word memoir

Jen of Pen of Jen tagged me for this meme some time ago. There were several answers I could have given but what I feel is the perfect name for my memoir came to me while I was answering the question, What is the single greatest thing you learned to date about life?, asked by Susan of Penless Writer.

Here are the rules:
1. Write your own six word memoir.
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you want.
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to the original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere.
4. Tag at least five more blogs with links.
5. Leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play.

I would give my memoir the name:

Life, Put Your Heart In It!


and it would have chapters that looked something like this:

+ Loving God with all my heart
+ It's about people; loving others
+ Don; my true love
+ My children; my heart beats outside my body
+ Get passionate about something
+ Love your life - it's the only one you have!
+ Sharing God's love

I would like to tag The Gremlin Wrangler, Mejojac, Huckdoll, that Crazy Bloggin' Canuck, and Kailani.

***************
link of the day:
http://blogs.suntimes.com/bookroom/2008/02/write_your_memoir_in_six_words.html

which brings me to...

Heather asked: What inspired you to get into Youth Ministry? There are several things that happened that I attribute to my start in youth ministry. What probably had the biggest influence was Columbine. I was like every other person in the state watching this tragedy unfold. It touched us all. But for me, it also started me wondering and stirred things within my heart.

Most people felt like the boys who carried out such carnage were demons and they and their parents didn't deserve any compassion or understanding. But I couldn't help but wonder what made these boys do such a thing and my heart broke for who they had become.

This was the beginning of the stirrings of my heart for the plight of young people. It continued when my daughter entered 6th grade, a few months later, and I was thrown into a whole different world - so different from elementary school. This world included mean girls and kids doing just about anything to "fit in." I started reading and observing in an effort to understand.

Midway through Danielle's 6th grade year, she decided she didn't want to be a part of the youth group any more. With some problems at school, I wanted her to have a place outside of that world that was a positive and encouraging experience for her. But that wasn't happening. About that time, the Youth Pastor asked for volunteers. I thought this would be a good way to get Danielle to go and to see first hand what was "wrong" with the group and have a chance to change it.

The rest, as they say, is history. I could go on with the story but I think this answers the question. I will say that my perception of teens changed a lot once I got to know them and my understanding of their world grew. I thought I was going to go in to this group and change things appropriately. Well, I didn't change them, they changed me. They opened my eyes as God opened my heart.

which brings me to the next question...

Sharon asked: What are you most passionate about? What is the one thing that you could sit up all night and talk about? That would have to be TEENAGERS! I could sit up all night and talk with teenagers or I could sit and talk about teenagers. Either one would make me happy.

I enjoy talking one on one or in a small group of teens. I enjoy hearing their stories and getting to know them as a person. I enjoy sharing their laughter and their tears.

Their world is so different than what most adults think it is. I could go on and on trying to explain what that world looks like, why they do the things they do, the challenges and stress they constantly endure, and how much they just need love and understanding.

My passion is personally loving them, showing them how much Christ loves them, and encouraging others to love them.

which brings me to the next question...

Ma Kettle (Jen) asked: If you had the world stage with this blog for one post, what would you write about? That would have to be LOVE! I don't know if I could get it all in one post because there's so many aspects that I would want to cover.

I would start with God's love for us. How all encompassing and unconditional it is and even though we don't deserve it, He pours it out to us from a limitless supply. I would then have to say something about how His love can flow through us onto others. My love for teenagers is ALL Him. I would not be able to love them without Him filling my heart first with love for them.

But it's not just teenagers. It's anyone and everyone. God's greatest command is to love Him and his second is to love others. So I would probably include something to the effect of how different the world would be if we all practiced such love.

happy birthday dani

My dearest Danielle,

I can not believe 20 years have passed since you made your entrance into this world, and our lives. Where has the time gone? I wish I could remember each and every moment. I wish I could go back and relive most of the moments, just to enjoy you at every stage again.

To buy you those cute clothes that you and I keep noticing in the little girls department at Target. To watch you dance in your blue tutu. To read a book to you before you fell asleep. To cheer for you as you dribbled the soccer ball down the field. To get down on the floor with you to color, or play Barbie dolls, or build a fort. To hear you talk about a certain boy, or your camp experience, or your favorite movie. To help you with science projects, or teach you to drive, or wish you good luck as you walked out the door on your way to your first job.

Not every moment was a happy one. There were struggles, challenges, anger, and pain. But such times are a valuable part of life. They taught us both how to cope and they made us stronger. You taught me how to be a better mom and youth leader and I'm hoping you learned that you have an inner strength that can handle anything that comes your way.

Whether they were good times or bad, I consider each and every moment with you as a gift. You have been a blessing to your dad and I. And we have had the pleasure of watching you grow into an amazing young woman.

You are beautiful both inside and out and your heart overflows with compassion and mercy. It's been so heartwarming to watch your relationship with God grow as well as a passion for reaching out to others. And it's always fun watching you use your gifts and abilities working with children.

Thank you for 20 wonderful years. I wish for you a day full of laughter and love. Happy Birthday Danielle. I love you so much.


You can see it in their eyes,
in tender hugs and long good-byes,
a love only mothers and daughters know.

You can see it in their smiles,
through passing years and changing styles,
a friendship that continually seems to grow.

You can see it in their lives,
the joy each one of them derives,
in just knowing that the other one is there...

To care and to understand,
lend an ear or hold a hand,
and to celebrate the memories they share.
~Anonymous

under the stars

Girlfriend Chronicles continues...

Girlfriend didn't know what to expect. She had only camped maybe once before and now, not only was she going camping, but with boyfriend's family. She was a little frightened. But even more, she was excited, because it meant that she would be spending a whole week with boyfriend.

It was toward the end of a perfect summer. Boyfriend and girlfriend had started seeing each other and spending all their time together right after school got out in June. Boyfriend's family were big campers and were looking forward to the big trip planned with two other families. They were going someplace girlfriend had never heard of - Bishop. She didn't care where they were going or who they were going with. She was just thrilled to have been asked.

She soon learned that camping was pretty rugged. She slept in a sleeping bag on the ground in a huge army tent with the whole family. She ate a lot of hamburgers and hot dogs and even freshly caught fish. The worst part; no daily shower, which meant her long beautiful hair grew greasier with each passing day.

But there were so many beautiful and wonderful things. Girlfriend learned how to fish and since they were camped next to a lake, they fished several times a day. She marveled at the beauty of the mountains, the lakes, the trees, and the wildlife. There was the time spent with boyfriend's family and getting to know them better. She even had her hair hand washed by boyfriend and his mom (definite highlight!). And the evenings were the most special.

This is when boyfriend and girlfriend would lay on their backs and watch the stars in the endless black sea that was above them. They talked about anything and everything while watching for falling stars and picking out constellations. Even though they had been spending nearly every day with each other throughout the summer, this is where they shared their soul with each other; their fears, their hopes, their dreams, their past and the future. It bonded them for a lifetime.

So it was no surprise what else happened on this trip. Towards the end of the week, boyfriend and girlfriend were fishing in one of their favorite spots around the lake. To wile away some of the time, they started playing this little game where one would write letters on the other's back to spell out a word or sentence and the other would have to guess what was being spelled out.

Each took a turn or two when girlfriend realized exactly what she wanted to spell out on boyfriend's back. Without hesitation she started with the first letter, I.... then the second, L.... and continuing with O.... V.... E.... Y.... O.... U. Boyfriend turned around and simply said, "me, too" followed by a wonderful kiss.

And that is how girlfriend and boyfriend first proclaimed their love for each other. The trip was also the start of girlfriend's love for camping, for Bishop, and for boyfriend's family, who loved girlfriend before they even really knew her.

***************
link of the day:
http://www.fieldmuseum.org/CHOCOLATE/

love. it's a force.

If you look on my sidebar, you'll see a passage from Matthew under the title, Words to Live By. That passage is my life motto, or my personal life purpose statement. If I'm not living by those words, then I'm not living the life God wants for me.

Pam, of Pinnacles, Pitfalls, and Pottychairs, wrote a post yesterday entitled, Spreading the Love. I felt challenged to write about my favorite word - my favorite emotion - my favorite force.

I strongly believe that you cannot just say you love someone. Love is more than a word, even more than a feeling. It is an action. It is shown in a gesture, a deed. If you tell someone you love them, but don't show it in some way, the words are empty. The other person has to "feel" your love.

I liken love to some form of action, as in a force. Force is defined as energy. You can view this word as a noun and an adjective. Love is something you feel, as in the force of the wind in your face, and it takes energy to love; it's something you actively engage in.

For me, I love people by engaging myself with them. I try to practice the ministry of presence, meaning that when I'm with someone, I forget about myself and try to be there for them, in whatever form they need. I try to put myself in their shoes, try to understand who they are and what's going on in their lives.

I then show I care by really caring about who they are and what's going on in their lives.

Hmmm... where did that sentence come from? I typed it as a result of my process of thinking. But when I reread it, it sounded, I don't know - phoney, or contrived. Where does that care come from? I can't create it out of thin air. I can't... but, God can.

How can I put this? Somehow, God puts the love in my heart to pass on to others. That seems so simple. I guess it really is. I love God. He loves me. He shows me how to pass on His love to others. He makes it possible for me to love others. His love to His children here on earth is manifested through, well... me... and you.

It's a pretty simple plan He devised. It should have been so simple. Too bad we've made it so complicated. Just think how different this world would be if everyone felt loved. It would be a different world, indeed.

***************
link of the day:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20657188/site/newsweek/

it's august 28th

to my sister, Karen

Karen, I want to wish you a very happy birthday. I hope your day is filled with happiness and love. I wish I could be with you to help you celebrate.

As I woke up this morning and realized it was your birthday, I thought about trying to hop on a plane and surprise you by showing up on your doorstep or at work. Of course, I can't do this, but, boy, would I love to. I miss you a lot. I would love to be able to spend the day with you. Is my memory correct, was the last time we were together two years ago? When I came and stayed the week with you? It can't be that long ago, could it?

No wonder I miss you.

There can be no situation in life in which the conversation of my dear sister will not administer some comfort to me. ~Mary Montagu

I think most sister relationships are special. I know mine is. Even though we were fairly close as children, I think we're even closer as adults. It doesn't matter how much time has passed between our visits or phone calls. When we come together, it doesn't feel like any time has passed.

My sister would tell you that she always looked up to me and wanted to be more like her big sister. As we grew into adults, it was I that looked up to her and saw characterstics that I wanted more for my life. She is so smart and articulate. She has such a heart for diversity. She also has a heart for the elderly and is a wonderful companion to those whose health is failing. She's a wonderful mother, not to mention, wife, daughter, granddaughter, and, of course, sister.

Thank you, Karen, for being my sister.

I love you and hope you have a great day!

honor all

don's been teaching our youth group the ten commandments. today's was the fifth commandment - honor your father and mother. as you can imagine, this was a tough one for some of the kids. a lot of kids don't want to have to honor their parents. some don't get a long with them. some have parents that don't really deserve the honor and respect. but, God doesn't qualify it for us and no one is exempt.

someone asked don why he thought God gave us this command. part of don's reply was that he thought God wanted us to honor all people, and we learn to do that by honoring first those we know, our mom and dad. of course, there is more to why God gave us this command, but this was the part that i've been reflecting on today.

this poem was a part of a devotional i read this past week and after this morning's lesson, i went back to reread it and wanted to share it.

The Little Boy and the Old Man
by Shel Silverstein

Said the little boy, “Sometimes I drop my spoon.”
Said the little old man, “I do that too.”
The little boy whispered, “I wet my pants.”
“I do that too,” laughed the little old man.
Said the little boy, “I often cry.”
The old man nodded, “So do I.”
“But worst of all,” said the boy, “it seems
Grown-ups don’t pay attention to me.”
And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.
“I know what you mean,” said the little old man.

i will be honest here and share that i am not always comfortable around elderly people. i've never wanted to spend too much time with them - it puts me out of my comfort zone. but to give a little perspective, how many people would describe being in their comfort zone spending time in a room of teenagers. my point is that God wires us all differently. i'd rather spend time with teens, others would rather be with infants while others with the elderly.

but that doesn't excuse us from not honoring those that we don't always feel comfortable with. God wants to stretch us and shake up that comfort zone. sometimes, He wants to kick us completely out of that comfort zone.

He wants us to honor everyone; our parents and our grandparents, the young and the old, those we agree with and those we don't, that homeless person on the street and all those in authority positions - EVERYONE! i challenge you, this week, to think about who you are honoring, and who you are not.

and mom and dad.... i'm sorry i haven't always honored you. i love you both.

***************
link of the day:
http://www.hallmark.com/journeys

no greater love

But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ ... (Ephesians 2:4-5)

God's love just amazes me sometimes. everything i know about Him just screams LOVE! sometimes His love is easy to understand and i know i take it for granted. but other times i struggle with how He can love this world - including me. it's my human brain that cannot fathom how great... how far and wide... how endless His love really is.

i consider myself a "love" person. i really try to love at all times. as you can imagine, that's not easy. and i fall short more times than i hit the goal. but i keep on working towards that goal of sharing the love God has given me with those He puts on my path.

Lord, thank you for loving me. thank you for showing me what love is supposed to look like. please continue to help me love even when it's not easy, or pretty, or convenient. i don't ever want to take your love for granted and i acknowledge that i can only love others because you showed me how.

***************
link of the day:
http://www.mychurch.org/

latest software in

when i was looking through an old blog for the topless sandals i wrote about a couple of days ago, i found this and have always loved it. i hope it speaks to you today.


tech support: yes, .. how can i help you?

customer: well, after much consideration, i've decided to install LOVE. can you guide me though the process?

tech support: yes. i can help you. are you ready to proceed?

customer: well, i'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. what do i do first?

tech support: the first step is to open your heart. have you located your heart?

customer: yes, but there are several other programs running now. is it okay to install LOVE while they are running?

tech support: what programs are running?

customer: let's see, i have past hurt, low self-esteem, grudge and resentment, running right now.

tech support: no problem, LOVE will gradually erase past hurt from your current operating system. it may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually override low self-esteem with a module of its own called high self-esteem. however, you have to completely turn off grudge and resentment. those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. can you turn those off?

customer: i don't know how to turn them off. can you tell me how?

tech support: with pleasure. go to your start menu and invoke forgiveness. do this as many times as necessary until grudge and resentment have been completely erased.

customer: okay, done! LOVE has started installing itself. is that normal?

tech support: yes, but remember that you have only the base program. you need to begin connecting to other hearts in order to get the upgrades.

customer: oops! i have an error message already. it says, "error - program not run on external components." what should i do?

tech support: don't worry. it means that the LOVE program is set up to run on internal hearts, but has not yet been run on your heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to LOVE yourself before you can LOVE others.

customer: so, what should i do?

tech support: pull down self-acceptance; then click on the following files: forgive-self; realize your worth; and acknowledge your limitations.

customer: okay, done.

tech support: now, copy them to the "my heart" directory. the system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. also, you need to delete verbose self-criticism from all directories and empty your recycle bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

customer: got it. hey! my heart is filling up with new files. smile is playing on my monitor and peace and contentment are copying themselves all over my heart. is this normal?

tech support: sometimes. for others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. so LOVE is installed and running. one more thing before we hang up. LOVE is freeware. be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. they will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

customer: thank you, GOD.

***************
link of the day:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaOEmDJUNmM

truth in love

in the book i'm reading, the author made the statement that she knew an acquaintance really loved her, and others, because this person was always honest with her and always spoke what was on her mind.

i've been thinking a lot about this. it's not the point of; because you love someone, you will always speak the truth. what confuses me is whether someone knows you love them because of what you say to them.

whether it's been with adults or teens, there have been so many times i've wanted to say what was on my mind or to give my honest opinion, but something keeps me from doing that. i guess that something is fear. fear of how they would react or fear of being rejected. fear of losing the opportunity to speak another truth to them somewhere down the road. there's probably even more fears that i haven't even thought of.

even if i said whatever it is i wanted to say - out of love, i can't be sure it would be received that way, can i?. doesn't it depend on the receiver of such information? doesn't it depend on what's going on with them? whether they were "ready" to hear what i have to say? if they weren't "ready" to hear the truth, would they still know i said it out of love? i honestly don't know. and this post probably doesn't make much sense, because i can't make sense of it in my head.

i try to rely on the Holy Spirit to tell me if and when i should say something. i'm thinking that's still the best way. there's still been times when i've said something i've wished i could take back. i am far from perfect. but if my desire is to do God's will and show His love to others, then i will have to trust that He will tell me when to open my mouth... and when to keep it closed.

***************
link of the day:
http://www.mentosintern.com/

God's love is amazing

if you haven't read the book Redeeming Love - and it sounds like there are more of you than i thought - i would highly recommend it. it is a book that will make you see God's love in a different way and help you better understand God and His will. one of the tag lines on the back of the book puts it this way, "a powerful retelling of the book of Hosea, Redeeming Love is a life-changing story of God's unconditional, redemptive, all-consuming love."

the friend that recommended this book told me i would read it in two days because i wouldn't be able to put it down. i have read a book in such a way before, but i didn't with this one. i can see how some would, but for me, i wanted to take breaks to reflect on what i had read. reflect on how much God loves me and how, despite this, i must hurt Him deeply at times. reflect on how selfish and judgemental i can be, even though i say i'm all about loving others.

so, it was, indeed, a life-changing book for me. my daughter also read it and loved it. she told me while she was reading it that it made her see God and His love in a different way, that she learned more about God through this book. she said it is now her favorite book. i think it is mine, too.

i don't usually recommend books and i don't like when people tell me that i need to read some book that they just loved. i've read enough books and know enough about people to know that we all have our own criteria of what makes a good book, or a favorite book. so i hesitate to do so here. but i'll go out on a limb and just say it... i think this is one book that everyone should read.

***************
link of the day:
http://www.games4work.com/games/swf/supercoolpic.swf