It's that time of year once again. Excited children are busy filling their backpacks. Teenagers are simultaneously complaining about returning to school yet looking forward to seeing their friends once again. And parents are either cheering or dreading the fact that life will be back to routines and homework nightmares. The summer is coming to an end and the new school year is about to begin.
This got me to thinking about public schools and our expectations of them. I've seen too many parents who drop their darling five year olds off on their first day of kindergarten, pick them up at high school graduation and expect them to be well educated, well behaved, and well adjusted adults.
If we, as parents, expect the schools to fulfill these roles, we will be sorely disappointed. Public schools are flawed and and have their limits. Even if your child is attending a top notch school, there's more learning needed that the school can't and shouldn't provide.
Know that the family life you provide for your child(ren) will have a much bigger impact than any school can give. Remember that there are things a public school can't teach, such as ethics, morals and Biblical truths (if that's important to your family). We, as parents, can teach our kids how to get along with others, how to show compassion, how to respect authority, how to take responsibility, and the list goes on.
We also need to let our children know how important the family unit is. Do whatever you have to do to make this a priority, as it will get harder the older your children get. Before you know it, your children will care more about what their peers think than what mom and dad say. This is normal, but if they know their family is there for them and love them unconditionally, they most likely will come through it all as well adjusted adults.
Side note: Speaking of school starting, we will be taking my baby up to school Wednesday to start his second year in college. Danielle will start as soon as she returns from Nepal. Boy, the summer sure went by fast. We'll be back to living in an empty nest and missing the life and love of our two children living here with us. Life goes on.
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Monday, August 17, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
the best job in the world
...
POSITION: Mom
JOB DESCRIPTION:
The rest of your life...
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job-training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
You pay them!
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life, if you play your cards right.
** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT .... EVER!!!!
When I saw this, I thought of my daughter, Danielle. She's 21 and has had nanny type jobs for the past three summers. The more she handles this type of responsibility and the more she understands what her mother and father have done for her, she questions why anyone would want to be a mother (or father).
I tell her that she won't quite understand it fully until she, herself, is a mother. I try to explain that a child brings more joy than hardship; that they are gifts from God and bless the lives of his or her parents and when the time is right, she will want a child. She's not so sure.
And for me... I'm glad there's no retirement.
POSITION: Mom
JOB DESCRIPTION:
- Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
- Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
- Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities.
- Travel expenses not reimbursed.
- Extensive courier duties also required.
The rest of your life...
- Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
- Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
- Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
- Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
- Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
- Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
- Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
- Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
- Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
- Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
- Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job-training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
You pay them!
- Offering frequent raises an bonuses.
- A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
- When you die, you give them whatever is left.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life, if you play your cards right.
** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT .... EVER!!!!
When I saw this, I thought of my daughter, Danielle. She's 21 and has had nanny type jobs for the past three summers. The more she handles this type of responsibility and the more she understands what her mother and father have done for her, she questions why anyone would want to be a mother (or father).
I tell her that she won't quite understand it fully until she, herself, is a mother. I try to explain that a child brings more joy than hardship; that they are gifts from God and bless the lives of his or her parents and when the time is right, she will want a child. She's not so sure.
And for me... I'm glad there's no retirement.
Monday, November 24, 2008
dear mother
This is my letter to a young mother as part of the Mother Letter Project. Please read my previous post for more information.
Dear Mother,
I am a mother who recently became a mother living in a house void of children. My youngest left for college and I found myself unsure of what my mothering role would now look like. It is different, but I have been reassured that I am still a mother. Once a mother, always a mother. It is just a different phase of motherhood.
This has caused me to reflect on the past 20 years and take note of the different phases of motherhood. There are a few. Just as our children go through phases, so do we. I think if we, as mothers, are aware of this, it gives us permission to grow and transform ourselves right along with our children.
We also need to give ourselves permission to not be perfect, to fail at times, to be human. Not only do we personally need that grace, but our children need to see that we make mistakes and that we can learn from our mistakes. Our children learn so much from us, as parents, and so much of it is from who we are as people, how we treat others, and how we conduct ourselves.
When I think back on the different phases my kids and I have gone through, there are two constants that shine brightly. The first, when I made my children and our family a priority, everything else fell into place appropriately. If I kept my agenda focused on them, it was easier to know what was truly important and what was not. Motherhood is constantly being selfless, but the benefits and blessings are infinite.
The other thing that I feel is very important is making sure you nurture yourself in small (or big) ways on a regular basis. It's important not to lose yourself and/or get to a place where you feel so overwhelmed that you can't be an effective and loving parent. Give yourself a break every once in a while. Find a way to tell yourself that you are more than just a mother. Find a way to find the joy in life and in being a mom. By doing this, you become a better mother.
Before you know it, your kids will be grown and will leave your home. Enjoy each and every stage you encounter while you're with them. There will be heartache, and there will be immeasurable joy. Love them unconditionally, and the love flows back to you. And know that your job as mother is the most important thing you'll ever do.
Sincerely,
Diana
Dear Mother,
I am a mother who recently became a mother living in a house void of children. My youngest left for college and I found myself unsure of what my mothering role would now look like. It is different, but I have been reassured that I am still a mother. Once a mother, always a mother. It is just a different phase of motherhood.
This has caused me to reflect on the past 20 years and take note of the different phases of motherhood. There are a few. Just as our children go through phases, so do we. I think if we, as mothers, are aware of this, it gives us permission to grow and transform ourselves right along with our children.
We also need to give ourselves permission to not be perfect, to fail at times, to be human. Not only do we personally need that grace, but our children need to see that we make mistakes and that we can learn from our mistakes. Our children learn so much from us, as parents, and so much of it is from who we are as people, how we treat others, and how we conduct ourselves.
When I think back on the different phases my kids and I have gone through, there are two constants that shine brightly. The first, when I made my children and our family a priority, everything else fell into place appropriately. If I kept my agenda focused on them, it was easier to know what was truly important and what was not. Motherhood is constantly being selfless, but the benefits and blessings are infinite.
The other thing that I feel is very important is making sure you nurture yourself in small (or big) ways on a regular basis. It's important not to lose yourself and/or get to a place where you feel so overwhelmed that you can't be an effective and loving parent. Give yourself a break every once in a while. Find a way to tell yourself that you are more than just a mother. Find a way to find the joy in life and in being a mom. By doing this, you become a better mother.
Before you know it, your kids will be grown and will leave your home. Enjoy each and every stage you encounter while you're with them. There will be heartache, and there will be immeasurable joy. Love them unconditionally, and the love flows back to you. And know that your job as mother is the most important thing you'll ever do.
Sincerely,
Diana
Sunday, November 23, 2008
mother letter project
A few days ago, I came across something that really grabbed my attention. It's called the Mother Letter Project, with a tag line of Letters from Mothers to Mothers.
It was started by a husband who had the idea of giving his wife letters from a few mothers lending her encouragement and support. He wanted to give her a special Christmas present without spending any money. After getting some letters from acquaintances, he thought how much more he could make this gift if he opened it up to the blogging world, which his wife is a part of, asking for letters from bloggers who would be willing to share their stories.
He is asking anyone that is interested to write a letter either in a comment on the blog or through an email. If you send a letter via email by Christmas, you will receive a copy of all the letters that have been collected.
What a concept! What a loving gift! What a great collection of advice, encouragement, support, and motherly love! My next post will be a copy of the letter I will send. I've written it and re-written it. It wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. Maybe I made it harder than it needed to be. I came to a point where I figured I'd probably never be completely happy with it, so I'm leaving it as it is. I hope this young mother will find encouragement from it.
Maybe you, too, would like to be a part of this worthwhile project. If so, just follow this link; Mother Letter Project.
Being a mother is one of the biggest blessings I can think of.
Blessing #23 in a month's worth of blessings.
It was started by a husband who had the idea of giving his wife letters from a few mothers lending her encouragement and support. He wanted to give her a special Christmas present without spending any money. After getting some letters from acquaintances, he thought how much more he could make this gift if he opened it up to the blogging world, which his wife is a part of, asking for letters from bloggers who would be willing to share their stories.
He is asking anyone that is interested to write a letter either in a comment on the blog or through an email. If you send a letter via email by Christmas, you will receive a copy of all the letters that have been collected.
What a concept! What a loving gift! What a great collection of advice, encouragement, support, and motherly love! My next post will be a copy of the letter I will send. I've written it and re-written it. It wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. Maybe I made it harder than it needed to be. I came to a point where I figured I'd probably never be completely happy with it, so I'm leaving it as it is. I hope this young mother will find encouragement from it.
Maybe you, too, would like to be a part of this worthwhile project. If so, just follow this link; Mother Letter Project.
Being a mother is one of the biggest blessings I can think of.
Blessing #23 in a month's worth of blessings.
Monday, September 29, 2008
on my own
I often think back on my childhood and remember how much I enjoyed the freedom I had. I'm talking about the freedom to travel outside my house without my parents having to be concerned of where I was and what might happen to me.
In 3rd grade, I was allowed to walk down several blocks to friend's homes to play. I remember going to a movie by myself. It was a special matinee for grade school students, but I remember being dropped off and walking in and sitting all by myself.
In 4th and 5th grade, I was allowed to play and explore the local foothills for hours at a time. I also remember selling door to door for fundraisers without my parents accompanying me. I remember going over to the local grade school and playing, with friends, on the playground.
In 6th grade, I remember riding my bicycle everywhere... and I do mean, everywhere. Even though my boundaries were pretty lenient, I often went beyond them. I loved the feeling of exploring new places and felt fearless and adventurous. I was also allowed to go to the mall with friends.
And as early as 3rd grade and every year thereafter until I was in high school, I remember walking or riding my bike to the local 7-11 or neighborhood liquor store to buy candy.
I loved this freedom I had. But times changed. The reasonably safe world I lived in as a child slowly stared dwindling away and I could not let my children enjoy some of the same freedom I had when I was their age. I don't think I was an over protective mother, just one with eyes wide open to the dangers that lurk almost everywhere. I was always concerned for their safety. I often wished things were different so my kids could have run and explored their world and then, ultimately, discovering themselves in new and fun ways.
I watched the Dr. Phil show today which was titled "Extreme Moms." There were moms who hovered over their children and monitored their every move. Extreme, indeed. And then there was a mom in New York who had her 9 year old son ride the subway home - not because he wanted to, but because she thought he needed to have the confidence to do such a thing. It's just my opinion, but I feel this is extreme, too.
At the time, this same mom wrote an article for her NY newspaper, "Why I let my 9 year old ride the subway alone," and ended up on the morning shows and pegged as the "America's worst mom." From there, she started a blog: Free Range Kids. I may find some of her methods extreme but I like that her blog opens the discussion on what is extreme and what our kids need. I encourage you to check it out.
As with anything, extreme isn't good. Balance is healthier and happier. And part of parenthood, and childhood, is finding the balance that works for you and your family.
In 3rd grade, I was allowed to walk down several blocks to friend's homes to play. I remember going to a movie by myself. It was a special matinee for grade school students, but I remember being dropped off and walking in and sitting all by myself.
In 4th and 5th grade, I was allowed to play and explore the local foothills for hours at a time. I also remember selling door to door for fundraisers without my parents accompanying me. I remember going over to the local grade school and playing, with friends, on the playground.
In 6th grade, I remember riding my bicycle everywhere... and I do mean, everywhere. Even though my boundaries were pretty lenient, I often went beyond them. I loved the feeling of exploring new places and felt fearless and adventurous. I was also allowed to go to the mall with friends.
And as early as 3rd grade and every year thereafter until I was in high school, I remember walking or riding my bike to the local 7-11 or neighborhood liquor store to buy candy.
I loved this freedom I had. But times changed. The reasonably safe world I lived in as a child slowly stared dwindling away and I could not let my children enjoy some of the same freedom I had when I was their age. I don't think I was an over protective mother, just one with eyes wide open to the dangers that lurk almost everywhere. I was always concerned for their safety. I often wished things were different so my kids could have run and explored their world and then, ultimately, discovering themselves in new and fun ways.
I watched the Dr. Phil show today which was titled "Extreme Moms." There were moms who hovered over their children and monitored their every move. Extreme, indeed. And then there was a mom in New York who had her 9 year old son ride the subway home - not because he wanted to, but because she thought he needed to have the confidence to do such a thing. It's just my opinion, but I feel this is extreme, too.
At the time, this same mom wrote an article for her NY newspaper, "Why I let my 9 year old ride the subway alone," and ended up on the morning shows and pegged as the "America's worst mom." From there, she started a blog: Free Range Kids. I may find some of her methods extreme but I like that her blog opens the discussion on what is extreme and what our kids need. I encourage you to check it out.
As with anything, extreme isn't good. Balance is healthier and happier. And part of parenthood, and childhood, is finding the balance that works for you and your family.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
listening with your heart [part two]
Tuesday I wrote about listening to our children with our hearts (read here). Here is the continuation of my thoughts.
Working with two different youth groups over the last eight years, I probably heard this phrase more than any other; "My parents just don't understand." Heck, I'd hear it from my own kids. And I remember thinking it when I was a teenager. Part of it is normal for teenagers. But I think we, as parents, can work harder at trying to understand.
When my kids would say this to me, my answer most of the time was, "You're right. I probably don't. Please help me to understand." And most of the time, they would try.
I see communication as the answer to helping us parents understand our children and I don't think you can have too much of it. It needs to be a constant in the life of a family. It needs to be something that is practiced all the time. It needs to work both ways. Each party (parent and child) needs to both listen and be given the opportunity to speak, knowing they are being listened to and treated with respect.
It needs to be used in the everyday so when something more critical comes along, there will already be a precedent. You can't expect to be able to discuss subject "A" if you have no history of talking things out. The more a family communicates, the more each person knows about the others and how they feel about certain subjects. And when something totally out of the blue is dropped in your lap, it can be discussed openly and freely because this format has already been established.
You may be thinking, "Well of course I'm planning to communicate with my teenager." I don't doubt that is the plan for most parents. But something happens when a kids starts to feel their way into [pre]adolescence. They're trying to figure out who they are and their "voice" becomes scary to parents and adults. Parents aren't sure what's going on. They feel like they're losing control. They don't like what they hear and see. Many will try to make sure their child acts "appropriately," according to their own views and agenda. Some will simply find it easier to just tell the child, "Do this" and "Don't do that," without giving the child a voice in the matter. And others will simply withdraw completely as the task is too difficult. They simply give up.
Here's where it gets tricky. I whole-heartily believe that parents should be parents and impart values and discipline. Kids actually want this. But I think parents also need to loosen the reigns enough for the child to grow and learn for themselves who they are and how to make it in this world. And this is where communication makes it all work.
The child learns from his/her parents because the parents are constantly communicating their values, respect, love, and support. When the child sees this and hears this on a regular basis, they will know it in their heart that their parents care about them and wants what is best for them. They then will feel safe to communicate their fears, needs, and desires and will actually appreciate their parent's input and guidance.
This doesn't work perfectly all the time. I am not a perfect parent. You can ask my children - they didn't always feel safe to express their feelings and and often times, didn't. That's part of being a teenager; keeping things to themselves and sharing only with their peers. But if a parent sets out to understand their teenager, it can only help that relationship and ultimately, the transformation of the teenager as they emerge as the person they were meant to be.
Working with two different youth groups over the last eight years, I probably heard this phrase more than any other; "My parents just don't understand." Heck, I'd hear it from my own kids. And I remember thinking it when I was a teenager. Part of it is normal for teenagers. But I think we, as parents, can work harder at trying to understand.
When my kids would say this to me, my answer most of the time was, "You're right. I probably don't. Please help me to understand." And most of the time, they would try.
I see communication as the answer to helping us parents understand our children and I don't think you can have too much of it. It needs to be a constant in the life of a family. It needs to be something that is practiced all the time. It needs to work both ways. Each party (parent and child) needs to both listen and be given the opportunity to speak, knowing they are being listened to and treated with respect.
It needs to be used in the everyday so when something more critical comes along, there will already be a precedent. You can't expect to be able to discuss subject "A" if you have no history of talking things out. The more a family communicates, the more each person knows about the others and how they feel about certain subjects. And when something totally out of the blue is dropped in your lap, it can be discussed openly and freely because this format has already been established.
You may be thinking, "Well of course I'm planning to communicate with my teenager." I don't doubt that is the plan for most parents. But something happens when a kids starts to feel their way into [pre]adolescence. They're trying to figure out who they are and their "voice" becomes scary to parents and adults. Parents aren't sure what's going on. They feel like they're losing control. They don't like what they hear and see. Many will try to make sure their child acts "appropriately," according to their own views and agenda. Some will simply find it easier to just tell the child, "Do this" and "Don't do that," without giving the child a voice in the matter. And others will simply withdraw completely as the task is too difficult. They simply give up.
Here's where it gets tricky. I whole-heartily believe that parents should be parents and impart values and discipline. Kids actually want this. But I think parents also need to loosen the reigns enough for the child to grow and learn for themselves who they are and how to make it in this world. And this is where communication makes it all work.
The child learns from his/her parents because the parents are constantly communicating their values, respect, love, and support. When the child sees this and hears this on a regular basis, they will know it in their heart that their parents care about them and wants what is best for them. They then will feel safe to communicate their fears, needs, and desires and will actually appreciate their parent's input and guidance.
This doesn't work perfectly all the time. I am not a perfect parent. You can ask my children - they didn't always feel safe to express their feelings and and often times, didn't. That's part of being a teenager; keeping things to themselves and sharing only with their peers. But if a parent sets out to understand their teenager, it can only help that relationship and ultimately, the transformation of the teenager as they emerge as the person they were meant to be.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
listening with your heart [part one]
I was thinking the other day about how much I dislike confrontation and why. I'm still trying to figure this out but I know that a lot of it is that my nature is one of being a peace-maker. I don't like the feeling of discord when two or more people don't get along.
As I was reflecting on this subject, I remembered that I did like confrontation when I was younger. I remember my turbulent teenage years and my relationship with my parents. I remember, at times, purposely pushing for that confrontation. I remember being conscious about that fact as I pushed certain buttons or wouldn't let a certain subject drop. Seems childish now, but I remember the feelings that were involved at the time and it felt like it was something I just had to do.
Having my own children travel through their own teenage years and working with teenagers, I now understand better what my internal angst was about and why I felt a need to act out.
I think it boils down to the teenager feeling like they don't have a voice in what happens to them or their life. This can be just perceived or factual. Either way, the feeling is very real. There's a saying that applies very much to a teenager's life; their perception is their reality.
Anything I write from here on will sound very simplistic and it really isn't. Every child is different. Parenting styles are different. But I think it's safe to say that pre-adolescent and adolescent children are feeling their way through very rocky years and need to be encouraged, supported, and unconditionally loved.
I think this means that parents need to help them through this time by allowing them to use their voice and listening to them with a heart wanting to understand what their struggles really are and coming along side them as they work through the ups and downs that come their way.
For me as a teenger, I know I felt like my voice wasn't being heard. That my parents didn't care about my feelings, my desires, my needs. As a parent, I can look back and know that my parents did care, but I don't think they really knew what my true desires and needs were. They were so wrapped up in doing what they felt was necessary as a parent (and I'm not saying that this is wrong), that it didn't matter what I wanted or needed.
I think there are ways that parents can be parents but still give their children their voice, which helps them figure out who they are and how to handle the obstacles that come their way.
To prevent this post from becoming too long, I will continue it Thursday. If you have any thoughts on this subject, please leave them in a comment and we'll continue the discussion on Thursday.
As I was reflecting on this subject, I remembered that I did like confrontation when I was younger. I remember my turbulent teenage years and my relationship with my parents. I remember, at times, purposely pushing for that confrontation. I remember being conscious about that fact as I pushed certain buttons or wouldn't let a certain subject drop. Seems childish now, but I remember the feelings that were involved at the time and it felt like it was something I just had to do.
Having my own children travel through their own teenage years and working with teenagers, I now understand better what my internal angst was about and why I felt a need to act out.
I think it boils down to the teenager feeling like they don't have a voice in what happens to them or their life. This can be just perceived or factual. Either way, the feeling is very real. There's a saying that applies very much to a teenager's life; their perception is their reality.
Anything I write from here on will sound very simplistic and it really isn't. Every child is different. Parenting styles are different. But I think it's safe to say that pre-adolescent and adolescent children are feeling their way through very rocky years and need to be encouraged, supported, and unconditionally loved.
I think this means that parents need to help them through this time by allowing them to use their voice and listening to them with a heart wanting to understand what their struggles really are and coming along side them as they work through the ups and downs that come their way.
For me as a teenger, I know I felt like my voice wasn't being heard. That my parents didn't care about my feelings, my desires, my needs. As a parent, I can look back and know that my parents did care, but I don't think they really knew what my true desires and needs were. They were so wrapped up in doing what they felt was necessary as a parent (and I'm not saying that this is wrong), that it didn't matter what I wanted or needed.
I think there are ways that parents can be parents but still give their children their voice, which helps them figure out who they are and how to handle the obstacles that come their way.
To prevent this post from becoming too long, I will continue it Thursday. If you have any thoughts on this subject, please leave them in a comment and we'll continue the discussion on Thursday.
Monday, August 18, 2008
looking back, looking ahead
I remember it like it was yesterday. In fact, it was seven years ago this summer. Jake was going to church camp as an ingoing sixth grader. I was a camp counselor.
He was so young and had no experience leaving home and being a part of a camp situation for a whole week. He was thrown into a group of mostly seventh and eighth graders, people he didn't really know all that well because he had just joined the youth group. Sure, he had his mom around but it wouldn't have been cool to acknowledge her, let alone lean on her for either support or comfort.
I could only watch from afar. The first few days were the hardest. From my mother's eyes - and heart - I observed what seemed like a mere child who was on the fringe of the activity most of the time. He seemed lonely. He seemed friendless. It broke my heart.
This is some of what I'm feeling at the moment. Jake leaves for college tomorrow. He's not old enough to leave home. He's going to be lonely, out of place, friendless. I need to protect him, to hold his hand, to help him through all the tricky twists and turns ahead.
Of course, that isn't true. It's just how I feel as his mother. Feelings, I'm realizing, that don't change as fast as a child ages. In that way, college is going to be more of an adjustment for me than it will be for him.
At camp, it didn't take more than a couple of days for Jake to not only become an integral part of the group, but to be that kid that others enjoyed being around. He was cute, smart, nice, polite, friendly, a little mischievous, resourceful, and responsible. I found myself letting go of the mother role for the rest of the week because he didn't need [or want] that from me during that time.
Jake has those same qualities now. In fact, they are stronger now and he has acquired even more. He will do well living away from his home and in college. He will be learning more about himself, about life, and about learning. He will make new friends and experience student life. He will enjoy himself in his new environment. And as a mother, could I ask for anything more?
I am proud, and Don and I have accomplished what is meant to be. We've worked hard for 18 years to come to this point. We are indeed proud and happy. I just have one question... how long will this lump in my throat and tear in my eye remain?
He was so young and had no experience leaving home and being a part of a camp situation for a whole week. He was thrown into a group of mostly seventh and eighth graders, people he didn't really know all that well because he had just joined the youth group. Sure, he had his mom around but it wouldn't have been cool to acknowledge her, let alone lean on her for either support or comfort.
I could only watch from afar. The first few days were the hardest. From my mother's eyes - and heart - I observed what seemed like a mere child who was on the fringe of the activity most of the time. He seemed lonely. He seemed friendless. It broke my heart.
This is some of what I'm feeling at the moment. Jake leaves for college tomorrow. He's not old enough to leave home. He's going to be lonely, out of place, friendless. I need to protect him, to hold his hand, to help him through all the tricky twists and turns ahead.
Of course, that isn't true. It's just how I feel as his mother. Feelings, I'm realizing, that don't change as fast as a child ages. In that way, college is going to be more of an adjustment for me than it will be for him.
At camp, it didn't take more than a couple of days for Jake to not only become an integral part of the group, but to be that kid that others enjoyed being around. He was cute, smart, nice, polite, friendly, a little mischievous, resourceful, and responsible. I found myself letting go of the mother role for the rest of the week because he didn't need [or want] that from me during that time.
Jake has those same qualities now. In fact, they are stronger now and he has acquired even more. He will do well living away from his home and in college. He will be learning more about himself, about life, and about learning. He will make new friends and experience student life. He will enjoy himself in his new environment. And as a mother, could I ask for anything more?
I am proud, and Don and I have accomplished what is meant to be. We've worked hard for 18 years to come to this point. We are indeed proud and happy. I just have one question... how long will this lump in my throat and tear in my eye remain?
Saturday, May 24, 2008
dear jake
Dear Jake,
How can I put into words how I'm feeling? I won't be able to do so completely, but I'll tell you a little of what's been going through my head and what my heart's been feeling.
Pride! I am so, so proud of you. You have made it through thirteen years of going to school, working hard on everything that has been asked of you, and proven yourself to be a very smart person. You have excelled and persevered through the last four years of a rigorous curriculum.
But you haven't kept your nose in the books the whole time. I'm so glad that you are a well rounded person. You have a social life which includes friends and a girlfriend. You play sports. You're in a band. You do volunteer work. And you have a job. You are amazing!
Sadness! Yes, I am feeling sad. I am sad and nostalgic when I remember the last seventeen years. So many memories have flooded me over the past few days, from when you were a toddler to last week escorting your girlfriend to your last prom. There have been so many good memories and I will hold them in my heart forever.
I'm also sad to think that you will be moving out of this house and most likely not live here again except for extended visits. It's going to be so quiet and empty. I'll miss hearing how your day was and what you learned in one of your various classes. I'll miss our late night chats. And who am I going to nag? I think I will be sad for some time to come.
These are all natural feelings for a mother while watching her son graduate from high school, knowing that said son will be going off to college in a few months. They come from a basic foundation, and that would be love! One day you'll be a parent and know what it's like to love a child with such depth. It's fantastic and it's frightening.
For the last 20 years, you and your sister have been my number one priority. Every day was a blessing. To watch you grow up and into the young man you are has been a true gift. A gift I will always treasure. Even though a certain aspect of my mothering job is over, I will always be there for you. I will always be standing in your corner, cheering you on. And I am very much looking forward to watching you as you navigate your future, to see what amazing things you'll accomplish and the lives you'll touch.
Good luck, son. I know there are great things waiting for you. Enjoy this part of your journey. Laugh a lot and love much. Remember your faith and how much God loves you. And never forget that dad and I are always here for you.
I love you, Jake. Once again... congratulations!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
my heart
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth StoneI love that quote because it is so true. It describes how I feel... how I've always felt, ever since the day that each of my children made their grand entrance into this world - and into my life. They are my heart, and I love them beyond words.
This is the last Mother's Day that I will have either one of my children living in my home. I've been reflecting on the past 20 years and all the Mother's Days where I've been honored and celebrated. I remember the little handmade gifts that were made either at school or church. I remember being taken out to lunch, or a movie, or a bike ride. I remember the flowers. Each gift and celebration meant a lot to me as it was my family's way of saying 'I love you' or 'thank you.'
But my best gifts are my kids. I can't imagine my life without them. I'm not a poly-ana; it hasn't always been easy or fun. My family has had it's share of struggles and heartache. All families do. But the joy of watching my two little babies grow up to adulthood, the fun times we've shared, and the memories that I will always cherish, have been the blessings of being a mother.
I want to wish all the mothers out there in bloggyland a happy Mother's Day. I hope you all are having a wonderful day with your family.
... and a special Happy Mother's Day to my mom.
I love you and will see you soon.
Monday, May 5, 2008
we dance
5 Minutes for Mom is hosting another Mother's Day contest and carnival, and the theme is motherhood memories.
Being a mom has given me so many treasured memories. I share this one not because it's the best or my favorite. It's just something that means a lot to me and keeps my daughter and I bonded in a fun way.
I don't know when it started, or even how it did, but for as long as I can remember, Danielle and I have been dancing together. At least that's what we call it. We put our arms around each other and sway back and forth to the music that may or may not exist at the moment.
We only hold this position for a little bit, long enough to get our hugging fix. The fun thing is where we do it. We dance whenever and wherever we feel moved to do so. We've danced in restaurants, in clubs, on the street, in theaters, in the mountains, on the beach, at Disneyland, and in my kitchen. The list could go on and on. There's really no place or time that isn't right for one of our little spins across the imaginary dance floor.
All these special little moments add up to one great motherhood memory. A memory that I will always cherish and that I can bring out whenever I need to feel close to my daughter.
***************
link of the day:
http://www.diemchau.com/crayons2.html
Being a mom has given me so many treasured memories. I share this one not because it's the best or my favorite. It's just something that means a lot to me and keeps my daughter and I bonded in a fun way.
I don't know when it started, or even how it did, but for as long as I can remember, Danielle and I have been dancing together. At least that's what we call it. We put our arms around each other and sway back and forth to the music that may or may not exist at the moment.
We only hold this position for a little bit, long enough to get our hugging fix. The fun thing is where we do it. We dance whenever and wherever we feel moved to do so. We've danced in restaurants, in clubs, on the street, in theaters, in the mountains, on the beach, at Disneyland, and in my kitchen. The list could go on and on. There's really no place or time that isn't right for one of our little spins across the imaginary dance floor.
All these special little moments add up to one great motherhood memory. A memory that I will always cherish and that I can bring out whenever I need to feel close to my daughter.
***************
link of the day:
http://www.diemchau.com/crayons2.html
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
some mighty questions
You may be wondering why Mighty Mom got away with asking four questions. Well, the only reason she did is because I ask her so many questions and she's always so nice to answer all of them. Here are Mighty Mom's questions:
What is the silliest situation you've encountered as a youth pastor? There are so many to pick from. Let me just say that a week long camp with Jr. High students is a breeding ground for pranks, mischief, and good 'ole fashion fun. But if I have to pick just one, it would be the "crud" war - a food fight with flour, shaving cream, and water balloons... all done in the snow!
What do you feel is your greatest legacy handed down from the women in your family, through you to your daughter, and onward? You mean besides shopping! =) I think what has been modeled for me is strong, spiritual women who feel confident enough to accomplish anything they desire.
My grandmother (along with my grandfather) was an independent insurance agent who worked out of their own office. I remember visiting that office as a little girl and recognizing at that time how strong and independent my grandmother was. While most of my friend's grandmothers stayed at home, mine had her own office, was a licensed agent, and went on business trips. She also was in charge of her church's library. It was a huge church and I was always so impressed that it was my grandma who ran it all.
Then there's my mom. There's not enough time and space to write how much of an impact she has had on me and my life. Even though she was a stay at home for part of my childhood, I mostly remember her as a working gal. She had some pretty high powered positions. She also had some really tough times but always pulled herself up out of whatever had her down. That always left an impression.
After she remarried, she went back to school and then seminary where she received her degree and was ordained as a minister. She has been a chaplain, a preacher, a teacher, a speaker, and a piano player for different churches. She has held several high positions within her denomination and worked within different para-church organizations. She is very spiritual and amazes me with her love for Christ that is both deep and wide.
Ever since I came back to the church (which was when Danielle was born), I have been involved in some kind of ministry. I feel God used me most when I was ministering to people. I did so in Children's, Women's, Stephen's, and then Youth Ministry. Besides having several different jobs, I also worked for myself doing desktop publishing for clients.
This is what I want to pass on to Danielle, and beyond. I want her to know that she can do whatever she puts her mind to. And I want her to know and love God in such a way that it impacts who she is and how she lives her life. I want her to find a way to serve Him that will bring her joy. And guess what? I already see this starting to happen. It makes me happy and proud.
What's the biggest mistake you've made as a mother and what advice would you give to help me avoid making the same mistake? Whew! What a loaded question. I've made many, many mistakes. There's many things I would do differently now that I can look back with a different perspective. But I can't go back, and I'm okay with that. I did the best I could and I think most moms do the same.
I think my number one piece of advice for any mom (or parent) is to keep the lines of communication open. Try to understand what your kid is feeling or what's going on with them. Do this by talking to them and asking them questions. Let them know how you feel about things and why, as a parent, you have to make the decisions you do. Be strong in your values and discipline, but support them, respect them, encourage them, and love them unconditionally. Make family life fun and as stress-free as possible, because the rest of their life will be full of stress and hardships.
What's the best way to get the teens who sit in the last pew to stop horsing around during the service and being distracting? I know you gave me some details regarding this situation but without knowing these kids are what your church service looks like, it's hard to answer this with a simple answer.
First, let me say I know how frustrating it must be to have to endure this kind of behavior during a service. But I have to agree with the sentiment, "at least they're here." I think it's important for teenagers to see and experience church services. There has to be some kind of assimilation from children's church into adult church. You can't expect them to know how to handle themselves or understand the meaning of the different aspects of a service if they aren't a part of it.
The problem is that they find it boring, they probably don't want to be there, and they're sitting with their friends - who all feel the same way. My first suggestion would be for the leaders to find some way to include them in the service. Give them a responsibility of some kind. Even the smallest act of serving can make them feel important and also help them understand the bigger picture.
Has anyone spoke to them, in a way that doesn't sound like scolding, explaining how their disruptive behavior affects those who are trying to worship, or pray, or listening to the sermon? Explain why that even though it might not be important to them (the teens), it is to the others in the room.
I also thought about the fact that the minister is also the youth leader. Maybe he/she could give some kind of incentive for the kids to listen and act appropriately. Like give a prize each week to the kid who can answer selected questions about the sermon, or to the kid who took notes, or something along those lines.
Sorry I don't have just the right answer that will automatically take care of the situation. Keep me updated on how it goes. Remember that they need God just as much as you do. And try to remember what it was like when you were a teenager.
Thank you to anyone who has read to the bottom of this post. Sorry it was so long. Blame Mighty Mom, her questions, and the fact that she had to have four ;D
What is the silliest situation you've encountered as a youth pastor? There are so many to pick from. Let me just say that a week long camp with Jr. High students is a breeding ground for pranks, mischief, and good 'ole fashion fun. But if I have to pick just one, it would be the "crud" war - a food fight with flour, shaving cream, and water balloons... all done in the snow!
What do you feel is your greatest legacy handed down from the women in your family, through you to your daughter, and onward? You mean besides shopping! =) I think what has been modeled for me is strong, spiritual women who feel confident enough to accomplish anything they desire.
My grandmother (along with my grandfather) was an independent insurance agent who worked out of their own office. I remember visiting that office as a little girl and recognizing at that time how strong and independent my grandmother was. While most of my friend's grandmothers stayed at home, mine had her own office, was a licensed agent, and went on business trips. She also was in charge of her church's library. It was a huge church and I was always so impressed that it was my grandma who ran it all.
Then there's my mom. There's not enough time and space to write how much of an impact she has had on me and my life. Even though she was a stay at home for part of my childhood, I mostly remember her as a working gal. She had some pretty high powered positions. She also had some really tough times but always pulled herself up out of whatever had her down. That always left an impression.
After she remarried, she went back to school and then seminary where she received her degree and was ordained as a minister. She has been a chaplain, a preacher, a teacher, a speaker, and a piano player for different churches. She has held several high positions within her denomination and worked within different para-church organizations. She is very spiritual and amazes me with her love for Christ that is both deep and wide.
Ever since I came back to the church (which was when Danielle was born), I have been involved in some kind of ministry. I feel God used me most when I was ministering to people. I did so in Children's, Women's, Stephen's, and then Youth Ministry. Besides having several different jobs, I also worked for myself doing desktop publishing for clients.
This is what I want to pass on to Danielle, and beyond. I want her to know that she can do whatever she puts her mind to. And I want her to know and love God in such a way that it impacts who she is and how she lives her life. I want her to find a way to serve Him that will bring her joy. And guess what? I already see this starting to happen. It makes me happy and proud.
What's the biggest mistake you've made as a mother and what advice would you give to help me avoid making the same mistake? Whew! What a loaded question. I've made many, many mistakes. There's many things I would do differently now that I can look back with a different perspective. But I can't go back, and I'm okay with that. I did the best I could and I think most moms do the same.
I think my number one piece of advice for any mom (or parent) is to keep the lines of communication open. Try to understand what your kid is feeling or what's going on with them. Do this by talking to them and asking them questions. Let them know how you feel about things and why, as a parent, you have to make the decisions you do. Be strong in your values and discipline, but support them, respect them, encourage them, and love them unconditionally. Make family life fun and as stress-free as possible, because the rest of their life will be full of stress and hardships.
What's the best way to get the teens who sit in the last pew to stop horsing around during the service and being distracting? I know you gave me some details regarding this situation but without knowing these kids are what your church service looks like, it's hard to answer this with a simple answer.
First, let me say I know how frustrating it must be to have to endure this kind of behavior during a service. But I have to agree with the sentiment, "at least they're here." I think it's important for teenagers to see and experience church services. There has to be some kind of assimilation from children's church into adult church. You can't expect them to know how to handle themselves or understand the meaning of the different aspects of a service if they aren't a part of it.
The problem is that they find it boring, they probably don't want to be there, and they're sitting with their friends - who all feel the same way. My first suggestion would be for the leaders to find some way to include them in the service. Give them a responsibility of some kind. Even the smallest act of serving can make them feel important and also help them understand the bigger picture.
Has anyone spoke to them, in a way that doesn't sound like scolding, explaining how their disruptive behavior affects those who are trying to worship, or pray, or listening to the sermon? Explain why that even though it might not be important to them (the teens), it is to the others in the room.
I also thought about the fact that the minister is also the youth leader. Maybe he/she could give some kind of incentive for the kids to listen and act appropriately. Like give a prize each week to the kid who can answer selected questions about the sermon, or to the kid who took notes, or something along those lines.
Sorry I don't have just the right answer that will automatically take care of the situation. Keep me updated on how it goes. Remember that they need God just as much as you do. And try to remember what it was like when you were a teenager.
Thank you to anyone who has read to the bottom of this post. Sorry it was so long. Blame Mighty Mom, her questions, and the fact that she had to have four ;D
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
happy birthday dani
My dearest Danielle,
I can not believe 20 years have passed since you made your entrance into this world, and our lives. Where has the time gone? I wish I could remember each and every moment. I wish I could go back and relive most of the moments, just to enjoy you at every stage again.
To buy you those cute clothes that you and I keep noticing in the little girls department at Target. To watch you dance in your blue tutu. To read a book to you before you fell asleep. To cheer for you as you dribbled the soccer ball down the field. To get down on the floor with you to color, or play Barbie dolls, or build a fort. To hear you talk about a certain boy, or your camp experience, or your favorite movie. To help you with science projects, or teach you to drive, or wish you good luck as you walked out the door on your way to your first job.
Not every moment was a happy one. There were struggles, challenges, anger, and pain. But such times are a valuable part of life. They taught us both how to cope and they made us stronger. You taught me how to be a better mom and youth leader and I'm hoping you learned that you have an inner strength that can handle anything that comes your way.
Whether they were good times or bad, I consider each and every moment with you as a gift. You have been a blessing to your dad and I. And we have had the pleasure of watching you grow into an amazing young woman.
You are beautiful both inside and out and your heart overflows with compassion and mercy. It's been so heartwarming to watch your relationship with God grow as well as a passion for reaching out to others. And it's always fun watching you use your gifts and abilities working with children.
Thank you for 20 wonderful years. I wish for you a day full of laughter and love. Happy Birthday Danielle. I love you so much.
in tender hugs and long good-byes,
a love only mothers and daughters know.
You can see it in their smiles,
through passing years and changing styles,
a friendship that continually seems to grow.
You can see it in their lives,
the joy each one of them derives,
in just knowing that the other one is there...
To care and to understand,
lend an ear or hold a hand,
and to celebrate the memories they share.
~Anonymous
Saturday, March 8, 2008
the hope in it
Thank you to everyone who commented to my last two posts. You all brought some good stuff to the table. Not only do I appreciate hearing the different views, but I think it benefits all who read them. Here are the rest of my thoughts on this subject.
Yesterday I wrote about the reality of middle school and the kids who attend. I believe most of the girlfriend-boyfriend relationships are in name only. And even though they're in name only, they can turn out bad.
Many times a boy and girl who were friends and then decided to become a boyfriend-girlfriend find themselves not talking to each other at all because they don't know how to handle the expectations of having this status. They "break-up" quickly and unfortunately, their friendship can't withstand the fallout.
Even though I believe most of these relationships (and I obviously use that term loosely), there are those kids who take it to a deeper level. Since they are so young, most of it is experimenting and doing what they think is expected of them, since being in a "relationship." But as all adults know, that usually leads to trouble. The facts is; there are sexually active kids in middle school.
That is why it's important to be in touch with what's happening in your child's environment and lay a foundation of communication, discipline, respect and trust - and all this has to happen before your child goes into his/her middle school years.
I'm a firm believer in communication - mutual communication. I needed to know what my kids were thinking and feeling and experiencing in order to know why they reacted in a certain way or how to help them with something. Likewise, I wanted my kids to know why we made certain decisions, why we had to say no, and what we expected from them. If you have this foundation already in place when your child gets to middle school, it helps to navigate through this turbulent and bewildering period.
If you have guidelines for dating, you should communicate that as early as possible. I have a friend whose kids knew, from the time they learned to talk, that they were not allowed to date one on one until they were 16. There was never any need to try to negotiate. That's just the way it was. It worked because that rule wasn't all of a sudden sprung on them when they were at the age when they were watching their peers have boyfriends and girlfriends. They also communicated to their children why they had this policy and why it was important to them. They didn't just say, "because I'm the parent and I say so." They did it will love and logic.
My son had a girlfriend when he was 13, but we did a lot of talking about what it meant to be a boyfriend and was was expected from him. We met her family and got to know them very well (luckily, we liked them a lot). He and his girlfriend only did things in a group setting, most of the time with other friends and then other times with one of the families. I truly believe he learned personal, relational, and social skills during this time. They were allowed some freedom within a closely watched and regulated environment.
Did I know everything that went on - no. Did he tell me everything that was on his mind - I'm sure not. But we were able to talk about a lot that I think helped him understand relationships. I honestly don't think we would have had some of those same conversations if he were in high school. By that time, kids think they know it all and don't need their parents.
What I didn't address here, but what I feel is true, is that there is a difference between boys and girls when it comes to this subject. How much self esteem a girl has, and how empowered she feels, will play a role when it comes to wanting the acceptance and fitting in, thus having a boy friend. I could write another post on this subject, so I'm not going to go on. This post is long enough =)
I wouldn't presume to tell anyone how to parent their children. And I sincerely hope no one feels that way by what I've written. I recognize that we all parent differently and no one knows our kids better than we do, as parents. These are just my thoughts, personal opinions, and experience. Thank you again for your input. I enjoy reading each and every comment.
Yesterday I wrote about the reality of middle school and the kids who attend. I believe most of the girlfriend-boyfriend relationships are in name only. And even though they're in name only, they can turn out bad.
Many times a boy and girl who were friends and then decided to become a boyfriend-girlfriend find themselves not talking to each other at all because they don't know how to handle the expectations of having this status. They "break-up" quickly and unfortunately, their friendship can't withstand the fallout.
Even though I believe most of these relationships (and I obviously use that term loosely), there are those kids who take it to a deeper level. Since they are so young, most of it is experimenting and doing what they think is expected of them, since being in a "relationship." But as all adults know, that usually leads to trouble. The facts is; there are sexually active kids in middle school.
That is why it's important to be in touch with what's happening in your child's environment and lay a foundation of communication, discipline, respect and trust - and all this has to happen before your child goes into his/her middle school years.
I'm a firm believer in communication - mutual communication. I needed to know what my kids were thinking and feeling and experiencing in order to know why they reacted in a certain way or how to help them with something. Likewise, I wanted my kids to know why we made certain decisions, why we had to say no, and what we expected from them. If you have this foundation already in place when your child gets to middle school, it helps to navigate through this turbulent and bewildering period.
If you have guidelines for dating, you should communicate that as early as possible. I have a friend whose kids knew, from the time they learned to talk, that they were not allowed to date one on one until they were 16. There was never any need to try to negotiate. That's just the way it was. It worked because that rule wasn't all of a sudden sprung on them when they were at the age when they were watching their peers have boyfriends and girlfriends. They also communicated to their children why they had this policy and why it was important to them. They didn't just say, "because I'm the parent and I say so." They did it will love and logic.
My son had a girlfriend when he was 13, but we did a lot of talking about what it meant to be a boyfriend and was was expected from him. We met her family and got to know them very well (luckily, we liked them a lot). He and his girlfriend only did things in a group setting, most of the time with other friends and then other times with one of the families. I truly believe he learned personal, relational, and social skills during this time. They were allowed some freedom within a closely watched and regulated environment.
Did I know everything that went on - no. Did he tell me everything that was on his mind - I'm sure not. But we were able to talk about a lot that I think helped him understand relationships. I honestly don't think we would have had some of those same conversations if he were in high school. By that time, kids think they know it all and don't need their parents.
What I didn't address here, but what I feel is true, is that there is a difference between boys and girls when it comes to this subject. How much self esteem a girl has, and how empowered she feels, will play a role when it comes to wanting the acceptance and fitting in, thus having a boy friend. I could write another post on this subject, so I'm not going to go on. This post is long enough =)
I wouldn't presume to tell anyone how to parent their children. And I sincerely hope no one feels that way by what I've written. I recognize that we all parent differently and no one knows our kids better than we do, as parents. These are just my thoughts, personal opinions, and experience. Thank you again for your input. I enjoy reading each and every comment.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
post potpourri
I just need to post a disclaimer about yesterday's post. I thank everyone for their kind comments but as I was reading them, I felt like maybe you thought I was fishing for compliments. I wasn't. I wrote the post right after getting home from the band's gig and I guess you could say I was on a little bit of a high.
I was a little euphoric because I almost didn't go to their concert but then so glad I did. It had been snowing most of the day and I didn't want to drive nearly an hour to get into downtown. Don was out of town and I didn't want to go alone. Plain and simple - I didn't want to go. I wanted to sit home in my pj's and watch Extreme Home Makeover and Oprah's Big Give. But I just couldn't get comfortable with that choice. I felt like I should drive Jake and I should be there as probably the only adult for his band.
As it turned out, it was a fun evening. It was low key without too many responsibilities. The snow stopped and the roads were pretty clear. And I had fun. It's amazing what a difference your attitude makes. So, I just wanted to clear that up. I am far from the rockin' mom that the post implies. I'm a rockin' mom because I can rock to the music my son and his band mates play.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wanted to acknowledge the fact that the Blogging With A Purpose award was passed on to me by two wonderful blogging friends. Both Mary of Not Before 7 and Ma Kettle (Jen) of Double Nickel Farm honored me with such a nice award, each mentioning the meme I started; More Of Him. Thank you very much, Mary and Jen.
This award was created by Eric Novak at Blogging With A Purpose. He started awarding christian bloggers who blogged with a specific purpose and I am supposed to pass it on to five other blogs who do the same.
I would like to pass it on to Heather of Not A DIY Life as she has graciously taken over the reins of More Of Him. She has a wonderful blog where she regularly shares how God is working in her life. For those of you who participated in More Of Him, either through your posts or comments, I hope you continue to support this meme over at Heather's place.
I feel like most bloggers have a purpose for their blog. As for me, I have a few "purposes." Although I understand the spirit of the award, I once again am going to decline to pass it on because I feel like everyone is worthy of it. Sorry to disappoint.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And here's an encouraging story. A 14 year old boy in California, who founded a 'no cussing club,' has designated this week as NO CUSSING WEEK. I hope he gets a lot of support for his efforts. There's even a website (of course there is) dedicated to the cause. I have included it as my link of the day.
***************
link of the day:
http://www.nocussing.com/
I was a little euphoric because I almost didn't go to their concert but then so glad I did. It had been snowing most of the day and I didn't want to drive nearly an hour to get into downtown. Don was out of town and I didn't want to go alone. Plain and simple - I didn't want to go. I wanted to sit home in my pj's and watch Extreme Home Makeover and Oprah's Big Give. But I just couldn't get comfortable with that choice. I felt like I should drive Jake and I should be there as probably the only adult for his band.
As it turned out, it was a fun evening. It was low key without too many responsibilities. The snow stopped and the roads were pretty clear. And I had fun. It's amazing what a difference your attitude makes. So, I just wanted to clear that up. I am far from the rockin' mom that the post implies. I'm a rockin' mom because I can rock to the music my son and his band mates play.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wanted to acknowledge the fact that the Blogging With A Purpose award was passed on to me by two wonderful blogging friends. Both Mary of Not Before 7 and Ma Kettle (Jen) of Double Nickel Farm honored me with such a nice award, each mentioning the meme I started; More Of Him. Thank you very much, Mary and Jen.This award was created by Eric Novak at Blogging With A Purpose. He started awarding christian bloggers who blogged with a specific purpose and I am supposed to pass it on to five other blogs who do the same.
I would like to pass it on to Heather of Not A DIY Life as she has graciously taken over the reins of More Of Him. She has a wonderful blog where she regularly shares how God is working in her life. For those of you who participated in More Of Him, either through your posts or comments, I hope you continue to support this meme over at Heather's place.
I feel like most bloggers have a purpose for their blog. As for me, I have a few "purposes." Although I understand the spirit of the award, I once again am going to decline to pass it on because I feel like everyone is worthy of it. Sorry to disappoint.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And here's an encouraging story. A 14 year old boy in California, who founded a 'no cussing club,' has designated this week as NO CUSSING WEEK. I hope he gets a lot of support for his efforts. There's even a website (of course there is) dedicated to the cause. I have included it as my link of the day.
***************
link of the day:
http://www.nocussing.com/
Monday, March 3, 2008
rockin' mom
It's been a busy few days. Jake's band, I, Riot, performed on Thursday night, Friday night, and Sunday night. And in the same order, they had a bad night, a good night, and a fun night.
Don and I have always supported our kids, in whatever they were involved in at the time, by attending their events. Whether it was soccer games, band concerts, dance recitals, or classroom field trips, we were there. I never dreamed that my future would hold days where we'd be following my son's band from one venue to the next.
And support doesn't just mean sitting in the audience and listening. We've transported drums and fans, loaded and unloaded equipment, helped with the sound system, provided food, played amateur photographer, and the list goes on. But I wouldn't change a thing.
I'm experiencing a part of life that most people don't. We get to be involved in kid's lives in a very gratifying way. I know more about the independent music scene than I could have ever imagined. And most importantly, Jake [hopefully] knows how much his mom and dad care about him and will always support him in anything he chooses to do.
***************
link of the day:
http://www.femaleleadguitarists.com/q/classicsolo/index.aspx
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
we are... moms in touch
Here's a picture, taken today, of the ladies from my Moms In Touch group while we lunched at a local restaurant. I love them dearly and the time we spend together is priceless to me. Little did I know, when I joined this group four years ago, how much of a blessing it would be.
I almost didn't join. I had gone to another MIT group meeting when my kids were younger and did not have a good experience. I felt that it was a bunch of busy-body soccer moms who only wanted to sit around and gossip under the guise of praying for others. It left a very bad taste in my mouth.
But when Terri (the leader of my current group) called me, I felt an instant connection with her and her vision for the new group she was starting. It also came during a hard time in my life (we had just left our former ministry and church) and I felt like God was telling me to give it a try. I only had to attend two meetings to realize this group was going to be nothing like the other that I had attended.
The group has changed in participants since I first joined, but the overall goal has not. And that is to gather as mothers to pray for our children and our children's schools.
This goal has brought us closer than any of us could have ever expected. With all of us raising teenagers, we can cry on each other's shoulders and then laugh through our tears. We're there to support and learn from each other. Sometimes praying is all we can do for our children and it's a great comfort to know that we are lifting each other, and our kids, up in prayer. We also truly care about the schools that our children attend and want to bathe these institutions and their staff in prayer.
I believe in the power of prayer. I feel it's important to be praying for our children from the time they're born until... well, I guess we never stop :) I know it's a blessing to have others praying for me and with me and I for others. I'm thankful that I live in a country where I'm free to pray. And I believe that God answers each and every prayer we utter.
side notes:
My blogging friend Susan's last two posts (here and here) addresses a couple of issues involving prayer. Both have some good food for thought that you might enjoy reflecting upon. I'm sure she would appreciate your thoughts on the subject.
Another blogging friend, Leigh Ann, has a wonderful site, Lifting Hands, that encourages parents to pray for their children. Each week she posts a specific prayer that focuses on a specific area. Another blessing for me.
***************
link of the day:
http://www.rattle-n-roll.com/html/home2.html
Saturday, January 12, 2008
the invisible mom
A friend sent this to me in an e-mail. It asked that the receiver pass it on to other invisible moms. So that's what I'm doing.
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible; "The Invisible Mom."
Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, and she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it.
I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work. No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
Great Job, MOM!
***************
link of the day:
http://www.madglibs.com/
(thanks mammyt)
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible; "The Invisible Mom."
Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, and she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it.
I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work. No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
Great Job, MOM!
***************
link of the day:
http://www.madglibs.com/
(thanks mammyt)
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